Talks to Young Men, VI: Manners

TALKS TO YOUNG MEN. VI—MANNERS. I. Come wealth or want, come good or ill, Let young and old accept their part, And bow before the Awful Will, And bear it with an honest heart. Who misses or who wins the prize, Go, lose or conquer as you can; But if you fail, or if you rise. Be each, pray God, a gentleman. In the Orient it is common among the natives, as well as the Europeans, to have as household pets tamed tigers and panthers. A friend, whose life, for the most part, was spent in India, tells an interesting anecdote affecting the manners and habits of two little baby panthers, and an unhappy crow. The story runs about this way: One day, while the two panthers were eating their dinner, and each trying to spare the other from over-eating, a sneaky crow gracefully lowered himself from an over-shadowing tree, and warily approached the much-occupied panthers. They were so absorbed with the meal-taking, that the crow was not noticed un- til he had siezed the large chunk of meat remaining, and carried it high up in the tree, where he sat down to his easily earned dinner. One little panther turned his head sideways, and with keen eye watched the crow in his aggravating flight. He didn't say much, nor did he make any noise, but quietly made his way around to the tree wherein the crow was perched. Quietly and cautiously he approached, and, with velvet paw and clenching claw, he leaped to the tree trunk and climbed to the upper limbs, keeping his agile little body out of view of the much absorbed crow. Haviug gained

TALKS TO YOUNG MEN. 457 the very limb which over-hung the pilfering crow, quick as a flash, the panther dropped on the thief, and all three, panther, crow and' meat, fell to the ground. Immediately the crow's head was off, and the proudly avenged panther finished his dinner, more clever than when he began. Now, that was very bad manners on the part of the crow, and he paid for it with his own foolish head. We can't commend the panther for exhibiting much gentility, but we rather enjoy his splendid revenge. Panthers and crows are not the only badly behaved animals to be found on earth. We once heard a rather good story affecting the conduct of three animals of a different specie, somewhat, to those mentioned. Fit for the mountains and the barberous caves, Where manners ne'er were preached.—Shakespeare. After the battle of Waterloo, when Napoleon's armies had been disbanded, as you might well suppose, there was quite a con- glomerate mixture of European nations. In this confused state of society and business, it must have followed that all sorts of monies were in circulation. It was the custom when one entered a restau- rant, to first enquire if the money he had was acceptable. If it was, then they were on a business basis at once, and negotiations were soon made. One day a good-natured Englishman entered a French cafe, and taking the prevailing precaution, showed the Queen's shilling and asked if that was good there. Upon being suavely told that it was "good for anything" the keeper had in his place, John Bull sat down to a table and kept the polite French- man gliding back and forth at a lively pace for some time. Roast beef and potatoes were washed down with the best wines, and, fin- ally, he had finished. Strutting up to the counter he planked down the paltry shilling. The Frenchman was amazed, and in pas- sionate excitement exclaimed, "Do you mean to insult me by offer- ing one shilling for the sumptuous repast you have indulged your- self in for the last hour ?" With an aggravating grin, the English- man drawled out, "You told me it was good for anything you had in the place." Seeing how completely he had been victimized, the Frenchman tried to cool himself with a deep, long breath. Then

458 IMPROVEMENT ERA. an idea struck him, and his face became quite genial again. Said he, "I will let you go free on one condition, and that is that you play the same trick on my competitor across the way." John Bull seemed to hesitate, and this made his victim the more anxious. The Frenchman then offered a half sovereign to the joker if he would try his best to trick the other restaurant keeper. Finally, accepting the half sovereign, and putting it into his tightened vest pocket, he replied: "I will try it on him tomorrow, but I don't know how I shall succeed, for I played it on him yesterday, and he gave me five shillings to play it on you today." Now, this was very bad manners on the part of these three men. It doesn't differ a particle, so far as motives are concerned, from the panthers and the crow. The only difference was, they had the pleasure of successful revenge, while the oth3rs did not. There are lots of panthers and crows, and envious other little animals moving about in nearly every corner of the globe. They are always looking out for self, and the only trouble is they are not taught the lessons of civility soon enough. Man differs from other animals in that he has a sense of morality. It may not al- ways be found to exist in a highly developed state in him, but it is there, and is capable of the highest possible cultivation, if only the necessary discipline is undertaken. This is the quality which raises man above the worm, and when that quality is neglected and, abused, man, with rapid descent, falls to the level of the groveling worm. This is always the case with the man who is indifferent to the interests of his fellows. It is somewhat of a paradox that man serves himself best when he serves himself least; and when he serves others best, he serves himself most,—yet that is the true law of human association. It is most natural for an untrained person to seek his own pleasure. Instinctively he does that from his first infant breath. But he rises out of narrow self, just in proportion as he endeavors to promote the pleasures of others. Thus is accomplished his sec- ond birth—the birth into a higher life. This second birth is not attained in an instant, but comes as a result of obtaining mastery over self. Self is groveling and low, and must be subdued. And though it may be conquered and held undei- perfect control, it can- not be banished far away. Its only way of annihilation is to so

TALKS TO YOUNG MEN. 459 cultivate the second higher self that it absorbes and obliterates the other. Here is the greatest task a mortal can undertake. And :for its accomplishment Divine Love has pointed out the way, "Ver- ily, verily, I say unto you, ye must be born again, (or from above)

• • And I will send unto you the Comforter and he will help you." This is the surest and safest way to a genuine second birth. But even those holy ordinances do not preclude human effort, and per- sonal exertion. They and their attendant blessings only act as aids in the struggle for self-emancipation. In human affairs, there are almost hourly temptations to pro- mote the evil that is within us. Some one has said: "Man's nature runs either to weeds or flowers, he must season- ably prune the one and nurture the other." These little crises that so frequently come into our poor ways afford such striking opportunities to show which we are, gentlemen or animals. "Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad." When exasperated over conflicting affairs, our tempers give way, and then the evil one enters the unguarded mind, for self-control has been dethroned. That is the critical moment. Then the tongue «ays words which a life of sorrow can not obliterate, then scars are made that a world of tears cannot efface. It is much harder to endure an insult than to resent one. It is also harder to receive a rebuke than to give one. None but the self-mastered spirit can regain itself, and stand serene under such a lash. Only a few learn how to receive the lash of a rebuke and desist from resentment. And how grand is that spirit which can gain the triumph in silence. A strong illustration of such a character was exhibited in an incident in the life of the late Professor . It was his custom to read the Bible each morning with the family, and then kneel in prayer. This morning, while reading the scriptures* the little child, seated beside the father, became restless. He gently corrected it once, but the second time he tapped it on the ear, thus administering a gentle rebuke. No sooner had he done this than the aged grandmother arose from beside the fireplace, and in the presence of the assembled family, and students then boarding with the Professor, approached the man standing with Eible in hand, and gave him an uncomfortable cuff on the ear, with

460 IMPROVEMENT ERA. this salutation, "You strike your child, I strike mine." The blood rushed to his face. The fury of a bursting volcano seemed not more terrible, but silence was his safeguard in that terrific strug- gle, and by her aid he won. It was a splendid victory. A moment or two later, he knelt, and his first words were a prayer for grace and aid in conquering self, in showing proper treatment of others. That was the proudest triumph we have ever known. Ceasar, Alexander, Napoleon, Wellington, and the conquerors of all time, cannot, in point of merit, put one of their victories alongside of that one so supremely heroic. It is only approached by Sir Walter Raleigh, when, challenged by a haughty courtier, he refused to enter the combat with so base a fellow. To the injury was added insult, when the wretch spit in Raleigh's face. Then came the splendid, triumphant reply, "If I could wipe your blood from my hand as I can your spit from my face, I would thrust you through this instant!" The Joundation for good manners is in home conduct. It is quite natural for men to put on good manners in public, for the good will of the dear public is quite a comforting thing. But though such a man may have a reputation for civility, he alone is the true gentleman whose gracious manners have the freest play in the home. It is in the home that the real character is known. The closeness of the relationship makes it almost impossible for it to be otherwise. And there is a wide difference between the two words reputation and character. The first is merely what people think one to be, the latter what he really is. It is a great blessing for a child to be born of gentle and re- fined parents. The difference between such children and those born of uncouth parents corresponds to the difference exhibited between the primitive, pungent, sour, scrubby, little crab apple, and the delicately flavored, mellow, rosy, delicious apple of the modern orchard. Both are the result of grafting, or heredity and envir- onment. Heredity will not do it all for children, any more than it will for fruit. The same with environment, in both cases. A chile's amang ye takin' notes, And, faith, he'll prate 'em. Parents are often humiliated, when they have company, by the

TALKS TO YOUNG MEN. 461 ungrammatical expressions of their children. Sometimes the chil- dren don't sit on high chairs either. The observing visitor has to join with the host and blame the neighbor's boys for such things, but he has to laugh up his sleeve when he thinks of the neighbor's neighbors. Children are mere parrots up to a considerable age. As Ingersol said, in speaking of the child—"By love of mimicry be- guiled to utter speech." Children of English-speaking parents don't become proficient in the Japanese tongue. They invariably speak the language their ears first learn to recognize. If they hear slang and bad grammar, they must make use of it, and as evidence of their innocence in the matter witness them carry such things into their first little prayers. Children are not responsible for the lansuage they use. Do you blame children for being profane ? They didn't invent profanity. They only use bad words because they think it sounds manly. If the adults of this generation were to cease the use of bad language, the next generation would be without guile in their mouths. If parents could only control their tempers in home affairs, we believe that children, i. e., healthy children, would soon grow to a contempt and shame of anger. If there is any more trying and wearing position than that of domestic management, it has not been found, and on that account we desire to extend patience and char- ity to over-taxed parents. But this consciousness does not dis- suade us from making the observation that many a child learns its first lesson of anger from its parents, the very last source in the world for such a lesson. But anger begets anger, even more read- ily than love begets love. So that the home is the source of human conduct, and the most potent environment for good or ill in determining the char- acter. Manners in church and in business will form the subject of the next Talk.