Love and Betrothals

LOVE AND BETROTHALS. BY JOSEPH E. TAYLOR, OF THE PRESIDENCY OF THE SALT LAKE STAKE OF ZION. Love is a theme upon which untold volumes have been written in prose and song, and which will not, neither can it, be exhausted while eternity endures. Its existence is co-eternal with Deity itself. It is one of the attributes of 'Our Father, and has been transmitted to us through himself. It may be classed as the highest; for if any one attri- bute is superior to another, it certainly is the attribute of love. It is the foundation stone upon which rests the true happi- ness of all that is mortal, and it is the basic principle of all future happiness and joy. If the veil could be lifted which hides from us the vast crea- tions of our Father—which, according to the testimony of Enoch, numbers "millions of earths like this"—and we could see and com- prehend them in their varied conditions, from a first estate to celestial felicity, we would readily discover that it is this attribute of love that has been the incentive to the creation and peopling of all worlds, as well as their redemption. In the language of holy writ, as pertaining to this plurality, which undoubtedly would apply to all others—"Let us create an earth upon which these (my children) may dwell." When this was completed, everything necessary for their sustenance was most lib- erally provided. Foreseeing man's fall and its serious consequences, this prin- ciple of love called forth a plan for his redemption. Although it required the highest gift which heaven alone could furnish, yet that gift was not withheld, for, according to the record of the

442 IMPROVEMENT ERA. Apostle John, "God so loved the world, that he gave his only be- gotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." He further records, that this beloved Son was possessed of the same feelings of love which was mani- fested by the Father: for he says, when speaking in honor of the Savior, "Unto him that LOVED us and washed us from our sins in his own blood." Jesus himself says, "As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you," etc. That he had reached the highest point in this attribute in the sacrifice of himself is without question, as the following language fully demonstrates: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." In this sacrifice made by the Son as a gift from the Father, we can readily perceive to what heights this principle can attain. But we wish to consider some of the other phases of its character, those especially that relate to us in our fallen condition. The love of the child for the parent undoubtedly has its origin in its entire dependence upon father and mother, and those kindly ministrations, which it derives from this source. For not only are its many wants lovingly supplied, but they are also anticipated. In this manner is the love for the parent begotten in the breast of the child. Begotten did I say? This is hardly correct. It is the love of the parent that calls it into action. For long before it can comprehend, much less explain the reason why, the child is reciprocating in its childish way the father's and mother's love. This love increases in a proportionate ratio as it comes to un- derstand its parents' affection and devotion. It attains its high- est degree and exhibits itself most prominently when parents, through age and infirmity, become dependent upon and require the kindly ministrations of their own offspring. There is the love of brother and sister of the same family for each other, growing out of a continuous association of one an- other, as well as having one common and undivided interest. It is the child-love expanding itself, and reaching out, God-like, to all with whom it is connected and associated. Mother.—The word mother embodies all there is of untiring devotion, patient endurance, as well as pure and undying affection.

LOVE AND BETROTHALS. 443 Excepting the terms used in speaking of Deity, it is the most sacred word in all the vocabularies of the civilized world, as well as in the crude and unwritten languages of the heathen. A mother's love for her child is only bounded by the opportunities afforded her to exhibit it. Isaiah asks the question, "Can a woman forget her sucking child that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?" The intimation here given is, that there is only the barest possibility that such condition could exist. I will venture the assertion: that a mother thus forgetful is a woman unsexed. To use the word mother in such a case would be a decided misnomer. I presume my youthful readers would like that I should come as quickly as possible to the consideration of the love that springs up between the sexes who have been heretofore strangers to each other. The word affinity, which means relationship by marriage, in contradistinction to consanguinity, or blood relationship, is freely used by some speakers and writers to explain this soul-ab- sorbing phenomenon; but despite every effort to solve this won- derful problem, it still remains an unexplained enigma; and we are forced to the conclusion that its origin is not of earth, but that it is heaven-born. Some have claimed that matches—or the union of the sexes upon this earth—were'made in heaven, or pre-arranged before we came to earth. And whenever such ones were brought in contact with each other, they very naturally gravitate towards one an- other; and to these are assured undying love the one for the other, with no thought of separation, no matter how adverse may be the circumstances or conditions surrounding them. To this we reply, such a theory is without support in the rev- elations that have come to us. In no place, and at no time in the history of this Church, has the Lord empowered his servants to designate to each man the identical woman he should marry, nor woman's acceptance of any man similarly designated. There may have been individual instances where the servants of the Lord, under a true inspiration, have suggested certain unions; but in no such instance have they been at all mandatory, the choice being left to the individual man or woman.

444 IMPROVEMENT ERA. These unions being a voluntary act on their part, it is then sanctified by the sacred ordinance of marriage as ordained of God. Were this not so, our Father would be held largely responsible for the unhappiness which in too many instances follows marriage. Parental counsel and advice upon this point, we will consider later. That man should choose wisely, and that woman should accept understandingly, a partner for life,will not be denied; but by what rule shall the choice be made and the acceptance given? Some years ago, I libtened to the reading of a most excellent essay upon this subject at a Y. L. M. I. A. conference, which had been prepared by a young lady officer of the organization. She laid great stress upon the necessity of seeking the mind and will of the Lord by earnest prayer. Being asked to follow the reading of the essay by some remarks, I ventured to ask if the mind and will of parents was not also important upon this subject, and would not the Lord be apt to manifest his will through the channel of a faithful parent? ^ 'Tis true, the custom has obtained quite extensively in the world, and to a small degree among us, for the son or daughter to form an attachment, become engaged, and then ask father and mother for their consent to a marriage with the one they had chosen, and only in a few exceptional cases is anything less than a. ready acquiescence anticipated. In some few instances, clandes- tine marriages are resorted to when the parents' consent is doubt- ful, thus placing even kind, parental opposition at defiance. This was not always so. The patriarch Abraham sent his faithful servant to the home of his near kinsman, Bethuel, to select a wife for his son Isaac, who accepted without a question the wo- man thus chosen, and the marriage was a most happy one. Isaac and his wife Rebekah felt keenly the wrong their oldest son Esau had done, not only in not consulting them in regard to his mar- riage, but in marrying strange women from among the Hittites. The record says it was a "grief of mind unto Isaac and Rebekah." (Gen. 26: 35.) Isaac commanded his younger son Jacob that he should not take a wife from among the Canaanites, their neighbors; but bade him go to his brother-in-law Laban and select a wife from among his daughters. This Jacob did, as his father Isaac had done.

LOVE AND BETROTHALS. 445 without any remonstrance whatever. In thus obeying his father, he pleased the Lord, and inherited the blessings of his father Isaac and his grandfather Abraham; and from him came the twelve tribes of Israel, God's chosen seed. In addition to the blessings of Abraham and Isaac, he received the blessing of this land America—as an added inheritance for his posterity. The Lord through Moses gave a strict commandment to this chosen seed that both sons and daughters should not marry out- side their own people (Deut. 7: 3.) The prophet Nehemiah says, he cursed some of the Jews for thus transgressing. He declared that they had defiled the priesthood in so doing. He made them swear that they would not repeat the offense of marrying their sons or their daughters to strangers. (Nehemiah 13: 23-31.) In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 85, the Lord refers to what was done to the children of the priest, as recorded in Ezra chap- ter 2: 61, 62. Their priesthood was taken from them because they had polluted themselves by marrying strange wives. In the ninth and tenth chapters of Ezra,' it is recorded that a great number were under the necessity not only of confessing their wrong in marrying strange wives, but they had to put them away, and also the children that were the fruit of these marriages. Parents in those days were under the responsibility of pre- venting these marriages, and were held accountable for any such neglect. We can, therefore, readily suppose that children, as a rule, sought the counsel of their parents in regard to any attach- ment they wished to form with one of the opposite sex, and re- ceived their full consent before doing so. Among the orthodox Jews at the present time, no betrothal takes place without the full consent of the parents of both par- ties. It is attended with a certain religious ceremony, also a feast —"the feast of betrothal." In this Church, where most fathers have been ordained to of- fices in the Melchizedek priesthood, they should be recognized as patriarchs in their own family. It is, therefore, quite obvious to all who will give this subject a little reflection, that the children of of such parentage should receive their counsel and obtain their sanction before making an engagement even, much more before giving a promise of marriage.