In Lighter Mood

IN LIGHTER MOOD. "Ah, good morning!" said the early bird to the worm. "Looking for a job?" "That's what. Anything I can do for you?" "Yes, you'll about fill the bill, I think."— Harlem Life. "I'm sorry to see your crops so blighted, Wurzel," said the sympa- thizing friend to a farmer. "Aye, it be a pitty," replied old Wurzel. "But there's one comfort — neighbor Giles's are a bit worse!" — Tit-Bits. A certain naval ofiicer was very pompous and conceited when on duty. One day when he was officer of the watch and he could not, as usual, find anything of consequence to grumble about, he attempted to vent his spite on one of the stokers of the vessel, who was in the engine room on duty. Going to the speaking-tube the officer yelled, "Is there a blithering idiot at the end of this tube?'' The reply came quick and startling, "Not at this end, sir!" The feeling of the officer as he turned away with a black frown can be better imagined than described." In a small southern town, a physician recommended to a patient suffering with indigesti6n, that he should drink hot water about a half hour before each meal. The doctor was not particular to specify the quantity of water, thinking his patient would understand that he was to take an ordinary tumblerful, whereas the patient, who was from the country and had never before heard of this very common remedy for dyspeptics, put his own interpretation on the doctor's prescription about the time. Meeting him in town about a week later, the doctor inquired: "Well, Brown, how are you getting along with your hot water cure?" "Well, Doc," replied the yokel, "I tried my dog-gone best, and I couldn't drink her fur but ten minutes to save me." — Current Literature.