In Lighter Mood · Improvement Era

IN LIGHTER MOOD.

"Pray, sir," said a judge, angrily, to a blunt old Quaker, from whom no direct answer could be obtained, "do you know what we sit here for?" "Yes, verily I do," said the Quaker; "three of you for four dollars a day, and the fat one in the middle for four thousand dollars a year." * * * A boy of eight years was asked by his teacher where the zenith was. He replied: "The spot in the heavens directly over one's head." To test his knowledge further, the teacher asked: "Can two persons have the same zenith at the same time?" "They can." "How?" "If one stands on the other's head." * * *

LUCK. "I'm hungry and ragged and half sick and dead-broke," muttered a tramp yesterday, as he sat down for a sun-bath on the wharf at the foot of Griswold street; "but it's just my luck. Last fall I got into Detroit just two hours too late to sell my vote. Nobody to blame. Found a big wallet on the street in December, and four police came up before I could hide it. Luck again. Got knocked down by a street car, but there was no opening for a suit for damages, because I was drunk. Just the way! Last fall nails were way down. I knew there'd be a rise, but I didn't buy and hold for the advance. Lost ten thousand dollars out and out. Alius that way with me. Glass went up twenty-five per cent, but I hadn't a pain on hand, excepting the pain in my back. Never knew it to fail. Now lumber's gone up, and I don't even own a fencepicket to realize on. Just me again. Fell into the river t'other day, but instead of pulling me out and giving me hot whisky they pulled me out and told me to leave town or I'd get the bounce. That's me again. Now I've got settled down here for a bit of a rest and a snooze, but I'll be routed out in less than fifteen minutes, and I know it. It'll be just my behanged luck!" He settled down, slid his hat over his face, and was just beginning to feel sleepy when a hundred pounds of coal rattled down upon him. "I knew it — I knew it!" shouted the tramp as he sprang up and — rubbed the dust off his head "I said so all the time, and I just wished the darned old hogshead had come down along with the coal and jammed me through the wharf."