Childless Americans

Childless Americans (Reprinted in the Improvement Era, by permission, from The Outlook, New York, issue of November 15, 1913) BY ETHEL WADSWORTH CARTLAND I am thirty-one years old, of what is called native American stock (which in my particular case means English and Scotch immigrants of 1635), a college woman, wife of a clergyman, and mother of four ordinarily beautiful, healthy, intelligent children. A few days ago I overheard a sneering remark about the American family, described as composed of father, mother, and two children. A bitter prophecy was uttered that the good old American stock will soon be a thing of the past, since we refuse to have children. I felt as though some one had seized me by the throat. Since then I have been considering whether this can be true ; if so, why it should be so, and what a tragedy it is, if true. I have reviewed my experience as a mother ; the excuses American women offer for their refusal to have children ; the right, and only right, attitude for us to take, its importance and even its necessity for our people. I counted the families (all native American stock) on our street in a town where I lived previous to my marriage, and found in twenty-two families there are forty-two children. I was surprised— indeed, dismayed — in finding an average of about two to each family. I had not realized the fact. I then recalled the town where we lived two years ago, where I was also intimately acquainted. On our street, a short one, 1 found nineteen children in nine families (again old American stock), slightly over two in a family. Then I tried the street on which we lived five years ago, in a different one of the New England States, and here I found only eighteen children in sixteen families. Then in a third New England state I tried a certain street in a town where I lived previous to my marriage,-and found that in the eighteen families (again old American stock) there were just thirty-six children. I was in this way convinced that it is actually true of New England. I hope it is not true of the West and South. But, as the East is the oldest part of our country, is there no danger that this condition may by and by come to pass in the West and South also? The remark of a young friend about to be married also suggested itself— to the effect that there was no need of her having s

238 IMPROVEMENT ERA children, and she did not intend to have any. I recalled a similar remark made to my husband by a male friend. Yes, I must believe that it is true in New England, and intentionally so. In reviewing my list of streets, I was struck by the fact that the three ministers' families included have, respectively, four, five, and seven children ! They form the notable exceptions. Just about one-third of the families recalled have automobiles ! Why is it that we Americans are having so few children ? Does the high cost of living account for it? That may influence some families, but certainly not many, for the old American families never had much money- If the cost of living, has increased, so have the bank accounts: Are we not marrying later it life? Yes ; I married at twenty-six, my mother at twenty-two, and my grandmother at twenty. But this is a trivial reason. Do not people expect to do more for their children ? Yes ; I am a college woman, my mother graduated from a normal school, but my grandmother had only a district school education, with some private instruction. Also, my parents having left the farm when young people, there was less for their children to be helpful about. We do more for our children and expect less from them, so we naturally feel that we cannot afford to have so many. People will be imitative. A friend who has but one child, now a young man, recently confided in me that she washes, now, she had more children. She said she often thinks how much company a daughter would now be to her. "Why did you not have more children?" I asked. "Oh, well," she explained, "Mrs. B., who was married at the time I was, didn't have any children at all, neither Mrs. C. or Mrs. D. I was quite the exception, with my one, and I naturally thought that enough. Now, however, I wish I had more — a girl, anyway." Another friend of mine waited until six years after her marriage before she began to have her family of three children. She wished to enjoy some "pleasure," save some money, and so on, with the customary explanation. A few days ago she confided in me that she was sorry she had waited. "I was twenty-six when I was married, and my husband was forty," she explained. "We waited those six years — till I was thirty-two and he was forty-six. It was hard on us both- I guess I was too old. Our first baby died at birth, and the two we have are so frail ! I know, now, it would have been better if I had not waited. If I had only known how it would be!" Then the function of motherhood — how is ;t regarded? With enthusiasm or reverence among us, or as an unfortunate accident to be deplored or ashamed of? There is much talk about "the duties of mothers," but is there much said about the duty of being

CHILDLESS AMERICANS 239 a mother ? We admire the Madonna on the wall ; do we cherish the Madonna in our midst? In many ways the life of women, in growing wider, has grown more shallow. We are brought closer together by the telephone, telegraph, trolleys, rural mail service, and other inventions ; we have grown more social through the mushroom growth of clubs and other organizations ; school education has contributed its share in increasing our knowledge of and pleasure in our neighbors; but even as these opportunities for social enjoyment have come to women, so much harder has it become for them to give them up, as mothers must. With equal education for boy and girl has come a different ideal for woman in the mind of man. When my father sent me to college, a friend of his remonstrated : "Why do you send her off to school and pay out all that money for her ? The first thing she does when she graduates will be to get married, and then she'll be no better off, nor you either. Women are for domestic life, created for it, planned for it, and fitted for it ; you're only going to make her discontented with her life as she'll find it." Now, however, man generally feels that women should not be denied intellectual and social opportunities. Man enjoys and delights in her attainments in those and other fields. Recognizing her hard lot from time immemorial, he condones her selfishness and commiserates her inevitable sufferings. Then, too, work calls women away from their homes. They are so well trained to work outside the home, there are so many congenial occupations and positions they may take, that housework and home-keeping, child-bearing and child-training, have not been emphasized in their education or prepared for as a probable lifework. With all we do for our daughters, we no longer put first the preparation for these most important and fundamental duties ; but, instead, music, china-painting, voice-culture, dancing, deportment, and a thousand other accomplishments, well enough in " their place. And when the bridal day comes to our girls, as it does come to the majority of them, and they face domestic duties and motherhood, they feel incompetent, and gladly excuse themselves for escaping the responsibility of them. Yes, here we come to the heart of the matter. With education for woman has come also the knowledge of hoiv she may remain childless. And in the practical application of this knowledge she has not realized that in seeking freedom from care and pain she has betrayed the sacred trust imposed on her by the Creator, and that she hopelessly and irretrievably wrecks the future of her people. The small birth rate among the old American stock is mainly willful selfishness on the part of the man and the

240 IMPROVEMENT ERA woman. Yes, it must be said, the old stock, the grand old stock, the fine, cultivated, progressive, loyal, Puritan stock, is dying out- The native Americans, my own blood people, are passing from the life of the Nation — a passing suicidal! The grand Old stock that fought the battles of the Indian wars and of the Revolution is going down and out ! The Indians vanish because they must. Not so the native Americans; they go because they will! What suffering do I undergo when I have a child? Physically, it means three months of nausea, three months of comparative comfort, three months of excessive weariness and discomfort, a brief (and therefore negligible) season of severe pain, and a year of constant care of the child. Mentally, it involves months when I feel excessively disgusted with myself, my condition, and my surroundings. I rebel because I am so afflicted ; I hate my appearance ; I mourn the absence of social privileges ; I loathe the seemingly unending discomfort of day and night ; and I groan for deliverance, while I shiver with apprehension of the pain before me. I am very sensitive to all impressions, alternating between moods of dreamy happiness and sullen discontent. Because I do dearly love the fluttering touch of baby hands, and continually wonder at what God makes through me, I feel — scientists and professors to the contrary — that all I do at this time must modify my child, and I feel strongly the need of a man to support, defend, and encourage me till the deliverance. But with the birth of the child comes recompense for all. In the succeeding months, especially if a mother is able to nurse her child, she reaches the height of living. Physically, the shock of bearing the first child is great, and the return to health is slow, and because of it many women feel that they ought never to bear another, not realizing that, providing no actual harm has been done by the first birth, every succeeding one will probably be quicker and less painful and the return to health speedy. The coming . of my second child proved a blessing in disguise, for my strength had never come back fully after the birth of the first, yet this one left me fitter physically than I had ever been in my life before. The others which followed in quick succession left me rosy-cheeked and strong. To the nursing mother the tide of life comes flooding in, and at such times I have felt that I could lift mountains, that I could leap rivers — that I could accomplish anything materially or spiritually that I set out to do. Oh, nature loves a mother ! She gives her that excess of vitality she wishes transmitted to the race of men. It means a new revelation of life for a woman to have a child ; she sounds then the height and depth of it. This is life's greatest experience for a woman; it lays bare the depths of her soul ; all her virtues and her sins are set before her ; she is plunged from heaven to hell, from hell to

CHILDLESS AMERICANS 241 heaven. No woman for whom it is possible and wise should ever miss the adventure. She will see herself for the first time; she will stand on the edge of the world, and never be the same. Afterwards she will have in her possession the most valuable thing the world is able to produce — a human child, the highest pinnacle of creation. What production is of any value beside this? It is the greatest contribution she can make to her country, to her race, and it is a wholly inexcusable neglect on the part of any woman if she for selfish reasons refuses the gift. But oh, the excuses women offer for their childlessness ! And the medical profession seemingly dare not say them nay. I know several women who were advised by their physicians not to have children, yet who have had them and become strong and vigorous, though they had never before in their lives been well. Nature is inexorable, but often kind. I am reminded of the Frenchwoman a friend told me of who nearly died at the birth of her first child. Three doctors attended her and pulled her up from the grave. Her family physician warned her never to have another child as it would certainly kill her. Within a year her husband died, and the following year she remarried. The second husband desired a family. He got it ! The woman gave birth to nine children, and the births were so quick that she never had time to call in the doctor till after the event. For some women pregnancy would no doubt be dangerous — and they were excused— but such women are so few as to be negligible. A friend who had been married six years and had remained childless, once assured me that he did not intend to have a child until he had secured $10,000. The following year I received a letter from his wife announcing the arrival of a son, and declaring that she was happier than she had ever been before. How the father felt I do not know, but I am sure he must have concluded that whatever bank account he had at the time could not diminish his own joy. While I feel as strongly as any one that a woman should refuse to have children if there is fear of the consequences upon the child, as in the case of direct insanity, tuberculosis, syphilis, inebriety, or other diseases ; that no criminals, paupers, or subnormal parents should have children, this should furnish no excuse to ordinary, normal parents. Some women are cowards and shrink from the pain, as some men are lazy and avoid work. Some women fear to lose their beauty and form. Some women are too prim. Others are too cold. Many are too selfish, and crave all the pleasure of this life and none if its pain. Some women do not like children, and do not think they have patience enough to bring up children. Almost anything furnishes an excuse. How many children should a woman have? This question can be answered rightly only by the woman herself. Certainly

242 IMPROVEMENT ERA as many as are consistent with her health and circumstances. If the spirit is willing and the flesh strong, the answer will always be sufficient. But too many American women are content with two children, just enough to take the parents' place, and are unwilling to bear any for the upbuilding of the race. They seem satisfied to lavish their love upon just two, to permit them to grow up selfish and alone, and if any harm strikes down the little ones, they then have none to take their places — perhaps it is too late for more — and, oh, the anguish of the childless home where once the little ones made every day radiant ! And then the childless mother says : "Mine ear is full of the murmur of rocking cradles!" Oh, you selfish American woman, there is room for the automobile in your heart and home, but the little darlings you might have call to you in vain ! Statisticians inform us that each American home must have at least four children for the perpetuation of the race, and that the more fortunate ones should have from six to eight to make up for the loss in the poorer families. There is no other way for us to get our children, and without them we native Americans will soon vanish from the earth. We must drink of this cup of suffering. We must sit in this darkened room. We must embark on this unknown sea. We must look in the face of death. We must wrest this treasure from nature for our country and our people. Women have a world reputation for talking ; let us talk less and do more. There is but one hope for our prepetutation — that same iron will that in olden days sustained our forefathers in England in their struggles after civil and religious liberty, and held them true through constant persecution ; that same iron will led them to sail the uncharted ocean, to land in the fearsome wilderness of the savage and through unimaginable horrors still to hew the wood and plant the field, and to build up the Nation that is ours. That same Puritan conscience and stern devotion to duty, that same unswerving purpose, is the only hope of salvation for our native. American families. Too often we see the childless intellectual wife whose conversation holds us enthralled ; too often we see the childless artistic wife whose productions may be world famous ; too often we see the childless belle of the evening, glorious as Venus of old, who should be at home on her knees praying that God would give her a child ! Too often we see the childless mansion with its many rooms, its lawns, fountains, and flowers, its fields and woods and farms ; and on the edge of the estate a little hovel where our future citizens crowd each other out into the world. Shall we, the native Americans of to-day, deliver to others more

CHILDLESS AMERICANS 243 humble the rich and glorious land for which our forefathers suffered and died, and where they dreamed that wc should erect the ideal republic as a symbol to the other nations of earth? "I am she that hath borne no children; Yet there is no one hath cursed me, I look the same as the others. But the nests pity me even ; The sun— the mother of stars— hath compassion Upon me, and saith, 'O childless woman ! What dost thou With all the days I make bright.' " — Bard of the Dimbovitza. Elder Wiley S. Collett, Barnsley, England, October 27: "This photograph of the elders in this branch was taken at the graveside of Caleb W. Haws who was buried in Darten cemetery, forty-two years ago. I understand that he is the only elder buried in England. Having died of small pox, he could not be taken home. We are receiving the very best of treatment, and making many friends. We hold three meetings during the week, and all are well attended. We feel that the work is prospering, and are thankful for the privilege of helping in the noble cause. Elders, John P. Latham, Wellsville; Henry L. Young, Salt Lake City; Wiley S. Collett, Vernal, and Lorenzo R. Packer, Rexburg, Idaho." (We believe that Caleb Parry and William H. Butler, of Marriotts, near Ogden, and James H. Flannigan, of Utah, and others who were missionaries, are buried in England. — Editors.)