Anecdotes of the Law

ANECDOTES OF THE LAW. BY S. A. KENNER. Some people have an idea that the law is all seriousness and soberness. Being a philosophy which excludes sentiment, has no poetic license, and deals strictly with the concrete facts of life, such conclusions are doubtless natural enough to those who are not of the cult; and yet if they would consider the naturalness of things for a while, they might at least modify, if they did not wholy change, their opinions. It is not in accordance with nature's laws for her children to be always serious and long-faced, and the more of this that is imposed upon them within restricted lines, the more expansive will be the relaxation when comes the opportunity therefor. The further under water you place an airdistended bladder, the faster will it rush to the surface on being released, and the higher will it bound above its previous environment. Perhaps this is enough by way of preface, especially of the kind, which I hope will not cost the reader as much of an effort to read as it did the writer to write. SuflSce it to say, the subjoined paragraphs are nearly all new to the public, some have — reached me at the hands or mouths — of others, and the remainder are from personal experience. When the late Roscoe Conkling was young in years, and in the practice of the law, his signal ability, earnest attention to business, and wonderful oratory, were the means of bringing to him " cases which in some instances were rather too difficult for tyros. One of such cases was that of a noted burglar who had at last been taken red-handed. The defense was conducted with great skill, but the prosecution made an impregnable showing, and the

ANECDOTES OF THE LAW. 751 man was convicted. Conkling resorted to all the expedients of the practitioner to secure delay and produce hindrance, his labors not ceasing till the court of last resort had finally passed upon it and affirmed everything; and after the burglar had entered upon his long term of imprisonment, Conkling concluded to make out his bill, the business end of such transactions with most young lawyers bemg generally the final end. He made it $2,500, which the prisoner protested against, declaring it unconscionable and excessive. Being in some doubt as to the soundness of his position, Conkling went to his friend and patron, Rufus Choate, one of the greatest lawyers of his time or any time, and laid the whole matter before him. "Oh," said the jurist in a summing-up-way, "I reckon the work you performed might justify such a charge, but really the man might have been convicted for less." Some years ago, before the writer's name was admitted to the rolls, he was chosen justice of the peace in a prosperous country town. When not otherwise engaged, he sometimes looked through the dockets and papers of his predecessors, the more remote of these relating to a period when circumstances were vastly different and money was quite non est. Some of the entries, while doubtless considered serious enough by the parties immediately concerned, were irresistibly funny to the latter-day reader. Here is a sample: "Wharupon the coart, having heerd the evidense on both sides, gives it in as his opinyun that the accused John Jones done what he is charged with, which is, that he hit Bill Smith on the back with a rack stake and hurt him considerable, whairby sade Jones is commanded to pay a fine of ten good fense poles and to give said Smith apollojy!" Where the poles went, if paid, and whether the "said Smith" received his share of the judgment or not, the record failed to disclose. One of the greatest lawyers, most eloquent speakers, and keenest wits the world ever produced was John P. Curran. He was an Irishman, and partly for that reason and partly for his stinging tongue,when it came to repartee, he was cordially disliked by some of the English occupants of the bench, as well as a few of the bar membership. Once he was trying a case in Birmingham,

before a judge who would about as lief have had Satan practicing^ before him. His honor had a Newfoundland dog, on the bench with him,and occasionally would reach down and stroke the animal; one of these diversions became so prolonged, right in the midst of an argument Curran was making, that the latter finally noticed the slight, and, stopping abruptly, sat down. This, of course, attracted the court's attention, and in a half apologetic way he said^ — "Go on, Mr. Curran, I am listening to you." "Oh," said the barrister, "I beg your pardon. I thought your '" honors were in consultation Another justice of the peace, near a place in Utah previously referred to, got some unruly fellows from a neighboring mining camp before him on the charge of disorderly conduct,and let the hand of the law fall upon them with considerable severity. On going home the same evening, he met one of the defendants, who was somewhat the "worse for wear," and who gave the justice a characteristic scorching. The official, having stood it as long as he cared to, said — "Sir, I fine you five dollars for contempt of court." "Why," said the fellow, "you have bo right to fine anybody. Your court isn't in session." "That doesn't matter, sir," the offended dignitary replied "this court is always an object of contempt!" A lawyer who was somewhat addicted to "talking back" was practicing before the judge of a southern district who was characterized by the former (in private) as a "sieve" that is, a man — whose reading and experience do not stick but pass along without making impressions. The court ruled against the attorney, on a certain point, and he was not the only one present who thought the ruling a bad one. He started to say something violent, but checked himself in time, remembering that he was in "the presence," and sat down muttering. "Mr. Blank," said the judge, "what are you saying, sir? Are you trying to show contempt for this court?" "No, your honor," was the reply; "I am trying to conceal it!" I will not present in detail the circumstance of a justice of the peace, in a southern county, about twenty-five years ago, trying by

— ANECDOTES OF THE LAW. 753 jury of six man a man accused of murder.and.on their finding him guilty sentencing him to be hanged and sending him to the district jail at Beaver in the interim, (which is a fact, of course, because it happened and I am telling it), but will proceed to something more recent and then quit. About the close of the Territorial days, during which all criminal cases in the southern part were tried at Beaver, on the last^day of the term, when the District Court was holding open informally for such fag ends of business as might come up, I was approached by an old friend, whom I had not previously seen there. He had, it appeared, been present with his witnesses, two or three times, at great expense to himsslf,which he could not afford, expecting a trial on the charge of unlawful cohabitation, and failed to get it. Would 1 look into the matter for him? Certainly. Looking at the indictment, it was found to be worthless and, the Court's attention being called ther*>to and the concomitant circumstances related, the accused became, on motion, a free man in about ten minutes from the time he made his request. Then the court called the writer aside and said "There are several such cases as this pending, aren't there?" "Yes, five or six more," was the reply. "Well, you have them all come in and plead' guilty,and receive a nominal fine, and let us end this business." "Well, Judge, that involves some little consideration. You say 'nominal' fine, but what might be nominal to you might be weighty to them. You must know that they are all poor men, with families to support, and living in districts where money seldom comes. A plea of guilty is the end of the business so far as the merits of the case are concerned, and I am not willing to get them into a condition in which I would be unable to do anything " for them "Never you mind. Leave that ta me. Have them come in and plead guilty." After a consultation with the men, they agreed to the proposition. The first case called, pursuant to this plan, was that of a man who had occupied the position of clerk in the Deseret News office when,as a frowsle-headed "kid" I was serving an apprenticeship there,more than a quarter of a century before.