Development and Training of the Child. II

DEVELOPMENT AND TRAINING OF THE CHILD.* BY MOSIAH HALL, b. s., d. b, ph. m., PROFESSOR OF EDUCATION, BRIGHAM YOUNG COLLEGE. II. PRACTICAL ILLUSTRATIONS. How to unite justice and love in the rearing of the child, is the problem confronting the parent. If sufficient freedom is granted the little one, many violations of law will inevitably occur; and these will offer an opportunity for teaching it sensible conduct. The toddling child must learn that fire burns, needles prick, and falls bruise. It must discover that stairways are dangerous places, and that the front steps must be descended with caution. As the child experiments and gains experience, many occasions will be afforded for sympathizing with it in its misfortunes. Every child has a pathetic faith in its mother's ability to kiss away a hurt, or to soothe a wound; but in this expression of affection, there should be no giving way to sentimentality or hysterics. Not every complaint of the child should be noticed; not every time it falls should it be lifted up; nor should every tear it sheds be wiped away. Let the parent remember that bumps and bruises and bloody noses are the price paid for courage and self-control. Everyone admires the brave child, able to take care of itself and to endure pain when necessary, but pities the petted child that is timid and afraid and unfit to be trusted anywhere. A good lady around the corner reared her little boy with great care, never permitting him to leave the yard, or to play with the * Copyright, 1905, by Mosiah Hall.

DEVELOPMENT AND TRAINING OF THE CHILD. 423 "bad" children of the neighborhood. When be was five years of age, he was unable to take care of himself. The first time he got out of the yard, he fell into the ditch and was almost drowned. At another time he was bitten by a dog. < »ri" day a DOJ half as large as he, slapped him in the face. Ho was so timid that he could not be sent on an errand, and he was so afraid of the <<ther boys that he dared not go alone to the kindergarten or Sunday school. Imagine the torture this boy will endure when he first goes "swimming with the boys" and is compelled to "duck all over." Another parent, when his three-year-old child exhibited an unquenchable desire to investigate the water, in a canal near by, waited until the little one crawled to the middle of the plank that spanned the stream and dipped its hands into the water, and then gave the plank a twist, plunging the child into the stream. After letting it flounder and struggle along for a rod or two, the halfdrowned youngster was rescued. Needless to say, the child from this time forth knew the danger of water and could be trusted near it. The child of a neighbor began holding its breath whenever it was hurt or was denied anything it wanted. This became so bad a habit that on the slightest provocation, it would scream, hold its breath, turn black in the face and almost suffocate. The poor parent dared not let the child go out of her sight, and the constant strain and worry drove her almost to distraction. After a year or two the child grew out of the habit, but a younger child began to hold its breath. The parent, fortunately, had learned how to treat this behavior, and on the first occurrence, the little one's head waa plunged into cold water. A day or two later it attempted to repeat the performance; but as it was being carried to the tub. it quickly recovered its breath, and begged to be let down. So far as known, it breathed normally ever after. The activity of the child must have something with which to be employed. Many toys and simple objects must therefore be provided. Home-made toys and articles easily procured are, on the whole, the best. A large block of wood, a hammer, and a box of nails, will keep a boy employed for hours; and he will at the same time gain valuable experiences. A load of sand in the back

424 IMPROVEMENT ERA. yard is worth an armful of expensive toys. A place in the yard in which to build a doll-house for the little girls, is almost indispensable. The older children should be taught to make playthings for the younger ones, and to assist them in their games. For teaching the child games and systematic play, the value of the kindergarten cannot be too highly emphasized. Every child should have at least a year's training in this child's paradise. No other year of its life could possibly be so valuable to the child as the year spent in the kindergarten. Play is the child's work, and the more completely it lives its life of play, the better it will be prepared to do the work of life. In play, perception, fancy, imagination, and action, all develop naturally; and until these are exercised, the higher powers of judgment, emotion and will,cannot exist The child must play with the neighbor's children, good and bad—possibly not so much with the bad ones. They are children with whom it will associate. It will attend school with them, and, later, do business with them. It must, therefore, grow up with them; and it should learn how to appropriate the good in them, and how to reject the evil. Not by keeping temptation and evil entirely from the child, will it grow morally strong. So long as the child does not regard the bad boy as a hero to follow, but owing to right training and good example at home, looks upon him with pity or as one to be shunned, no harm can come from the association. Opposition is necessary to develop strength; and contact with a character opposite to its own may be the means needed by the child to stimulate growth in its own character. In the daily work of the home, many opportunities will be offered for teaching the lessons of justice. A little tot, full of curiosity, reaches up onto the table and gets the tooth-picks and scatters them over the floor. The mother, if she follows the usual custom, slaps the little one, and grumblingly picks up the toothpicks herself. If, instead, she said quietly, "I'm so sorry!my little girl will have to work fast to pick them all up before dinner is ready," undoubtedly the child would gather them up. Thus, a valuable lesson would be learned and a disagreeable scene be avoided. Two little girls take their dolls into the parlor, and in cutting and fitting the dolls' dresses, they make a litter all over the carpet. Again, the custom is to box their ears and send them crying

DEVELOPMENT AND TRAINING OF TEE t'UIUh 425 from the room while the patient (?) mother or house maid tidies the room. Now, if no scolding or punishing were done, but if the girls were required to restore the room to order, they would soon learn to be tidy and careful; they would respect the mother's judgment, and much future trouble would be BTOided A boy rushes onto the porch and into the kitchen and leaves his muddy tracks behind on the newly cleaned floors. The logical punishment is to have him get the mop and clean up the marks. Before going into the yard to play, a little girl is told to change her white apron; but she forgets, and before long comes in with the apron soiled. She should be required to wash and iron it; and if she cannot do this properly, when she wears it, it will be a constant reminder of her carlessness, and a lesson will be impressed upon her which she will never forget. A boy is careless and loses his new pocket knife; he should go without one until he earns money enough to purchase another. A child goes up town to spend some money, and buys the first thing that attracts her attention—a foolish jumping-jack. She returns in great glee, but the other children laugh at her for being so simple; and soon the toy is broken and worthless. This experience itself is sufficient punishment. In like manner much of the home training and discipline of children may be conducted. A boy may be taught that money foolishly spent must be re-supplied by himself, or he must go without, that recklessness in the use of liberty causes its withdrawal, that tardiness produces loss of opportunity and of pleasure, that dishonesty brings unrest, and that lying causes loss of respect. He may learn also that the reward of labor is peace and plenty, that unselfishness has many friends, that sympathy begets affection, and that loving service brings happiness. The parent should allow the child to assist in the home in every way possible. A little girl may be taught to place her clothes away neatly and to be orderly with her playthings. She may soon learn to dust the chairs, brush up the crumbs, help set the table, wash and dress the younger children, and when she is older, she can sweep the rooms and make the beds. She will desire, at an early age, to knead bread and iron clothing, and she should be permitted to do so as soon as possible. Proffered help refused begets coldness and idleness, but service offered and re-

426 IMPROVEMENT ERA. ceived begets confidence and affection. If the parent is wise, when the girl becomes a young woman, she will be useful instead of being merely ornamental. The father should also accept the help proffered by his little boy. There is much that the child can do on the farm or in the workshop, and he will be proud of his ability to help his papa. He can run errands, carry tools, hold boards when they are to be sawed or nailed, pile the wood; put the yard in order, hold the horse, and feed the calf. If the father will praise his "little man" now and then, there will be nothing within reason which the child will not do for him. A boy reared in this way will become an industrious youth, who will not need to be whipped to do his chores. When the boy becomes older, he should have some share in the products of his labor and should be given some responsibility. A calf or colt might be given him to raise for himself. He might be allowed to cultivate an acre of ground to furnish his pocket money, or he might be given a share in some of his father's investments. At all events, he must be given some opportunity of earning his spending money that he may avoid begging it from his father or cajoling it from his mother. This will tend to make the boy self dependent, teach him the value of money and labor, and help him to develop into a manly man. Most cases of theft of money by children arise from the fact that no way is provided for earning the money needed for purposes of spending. Usually the child is given a stingy sum in a grudging manner, or else is provided with too liberal a supply; and in either case, the outcome is lamentable. Above all he must be taught to work. Even though the parent is wealthy, the fact must be impressed upon the youth that labor is honorable, idleness dishonorable. The world owes no one a living, and nobody is too good to labor. Seldom should a child be paid money for performing some act of kindness or for running errands. The parent who buys the services of his child will awaken some day to discover that the affections of his little one are lost. Could a knife stab with a deeper wound than this remark from a big, overgrown boy, who when asked to do some simple errand, replies, "I won't, unless you give me a quarter." Equally pervertive of every good impulse in the child is the pernicious custom of giving a material reward for some moral or spiritual act. A little girl

DEVELOPMENT AND TRAINING OF Till-: CHILD. 427 goes up town to spend her money, but meets a poor little ragged child and gives it the money. A little boy takes off his coat and wraps up his little sister, while h«> himself shivers with the cold. A little girl comes home from school with a fine orange which she has saved all day for mamma. This admirable conduct loses most of its value for character, if the parent, following the usual custom, exclaims "You dear, unselfish child, here is a dime for your kindness!" How much more appropriate it would be, if in each case the child had been rewarded by a kiss or a caress, while the parent remarked: "How pleased I am with your conduct! I hope my child will always be so kind!" Think of the insult of offering a man five dollars for risking his life to stop a runaway,or to save a person from drowning! Yet so prevalent is the custom of estimating spiritual deeds in terms of money, that many people act as though the joys of heaven are for sale and can be purchased. The reward of effort is peace and contentment; the reward of doing good, joy and satisfaction; the reward of love is love—"Of such is the kingdom of heaven." The value of song and story in developing the feeling phase of consciousness must not be overlooked. Music has a powerful influence over sympathy and emotion. Happy is the home where music and song are found! where parents and children sing together, there a spirit of love will abide. Music is the great purifier of souls. It expels evil spirits when prayer is sometimes powerless. Next to the great Comforter, it is the greatest comfort we possess. And what shall be said of the story in developing the feeling and affection of the child? The child's being is set to rhythm. There is measure and swing in its heaving breast and in its beating pulse. Its whole organism keeps time to the rhythm of the universe. The child, therefore, instinctively loves the lullaby and the nursery rhyme. When restless, the lullaby is the best medicine to soothe it to sleep; when awake, the nursery rhyme is a never failing joy. A little later, the story and the myth have for it a wonderful fascination. Who has not seen a rough, active boy leave his play to come to his mother's knee to listen to some wonderful tale? The world's classic stories should be in every household. Chief among these should be an illustrated book of

428 IMPROVEMENT ERA. Bible stories. The tale of the Christ child especially appeals as nothing else does to the heart of the little one. Some of the best fairy stories such as Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, The Three Bears, Little Red Riding Hood, The Diamonds and the Toads, King Midas and The Little Match Girl should be familiar to every child. The story is the natural, and often the most effective means of arousing sympathy and teaching morality. "Thou shalt not swear" may have little effect upon a careless boy, but the story of The Diamonds and the Toads may impress him so thoroughly that the desire to use choice language will never pass from him. Many Greek and Norse myths may be used also with excellent results. Following these, Greek and Roman heroic tales will furnish excellent material for the youth who is passing through the heroic age in his own development. Then tales of exploration and settlement in our own country may be appropriately used, together with stories like Black Beauty, Robinson Crusoe and other stories of adventure. About this time, biography will be appreciated, and should be liberally supplied. The Autobiography of Franklin, the biographies of Washington, Lincoln and many others should be read. The study of biography gives an admirable preparation for the study of history which should be a source of delight and profit during the remainder of life. Paralleling this course in literature should be another on nature study and science, designed to awaken in the child a love for nature and an understanding of her laws. Fortunately the school is an invaluable aid in awakening a love for good reading; but too often the school has this labor to perform alone, because the home is not provided with suitable books for children, and because the parent has never cultivated the art of story telling and of reading. The use of books is one of the greatest means that may be utilized in developing and educating the child. Books cultivate both the judgment and the sympathy, and may be relied upon to imbue the young with those ideals of life which are essential to success. This is a practical age, an age in which the knowing phase of consciousness has eclipsed the feeling—where the intellect has subdued the heart. But, unless sympathy and affection are cultivated, nothing is beautiful or loveable, and life is not worth the living. The intellect is cold and colorless, and when developed