Wit and Humor in the Mission Field

WIT AND HUMOR IN THE MISSIONFIELD.

No Lack of Funds. The Life of John Taylor, by B. H. Roberts, records the following dialogue between President Taylor and Elder Parley P. Pratt. The former was at New York, on his way to England, and was staying at the latter's home, who was then presiding over the New York mission. Brother Pratt had heard the rumor that Elder Taylor had plenty of money. So he came to him one day privately, when this conversation occurred: Elder Pratt — "Brother Taylor, I hear you have plenty of money?" Elder Taylor— "Yes, Brother Pratt, that's true." Elder Pratt — "Well, am about to publish my Voice I of Warning and Millennial Poems. I am very much in need of money, and if you could furnish me two or three hundred dollars, I should be very much obliged." Elder Taylor — "Well, Brother Parley, you are welcome to anything have, I be of service to you." if it will

Elder Pratt — "I never saw any time when means would be more acceptable." Elder Taylor — "Then you are welcome to have." all I

And putting his hand into his pocket, Elder Taylor gave him a copper cent, all he had. A laugh followed. "But," interjected Parley, "I thought you gave it out that you had plenty of money?" "So I have," was the reply. "I am well clothed, you furnish me plenty to eat and drink; and good lodgings; with all these things and a penny over; as I owe nothing, is not that enough?"

Preaching Under Difficulties.

We were two in number, new in the field, and had never held an out-door meeting. But we felt keenly our delinquency in this last respect; for English weather and conditions generally are so

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favorable to this kind of preaching that no missionary to that land ever escapes this test of his strength. Hence, we determined to hold an open-air meeting, let the consequences be what they might. Having chosen a spot, in a village distant by several miles from where we were known, we took opposite sides of the street, and invited the people to our meeting. But there must have been something about us, or about the way we did the inviting, that awakened suspicion concerning us without arousing curiosity; for none came, though we had borrowed a chair, and stood there with open books ready to sing and preach. "I can't do this!" I said to my companion. "Who'll we preach to?" "Oh, the audience '11 come," he answered. But I could not see the point. So, gathering my courage, I

went up to a group of boys a few rods away, who, in default of anything more exciting, were intently watching our maneuvers, and asked them if they would mind coming down to where my companion stood and form a nucleus for a crowd. They looked at each other, re- inspected -me from head to foot, but gave me no answer. Would they only come for a little while? they might leave as soon as anyone else came. The leader finally said, "Come on," and went towards the place of meeting, followed by the rest, I bringing up the rear. We sang, much to the delectation of the boys; I prayed; and my companion preached a short sermon, standing bravely on the chair. While this last was going on, I was standing behind him perspiring and trembling energetically in anticipation of the part I was shortly to take. Meantime, some of my boys had taken me at my word, and left the meeting in disgust at the abstractions dealt out to them. Others, however, had stayed, and a number of new-comers, principally children/_had made an appearance. When my turn came, I felt totally inadequate to the task of standing on the chair, as my companion had done, and so was content to rest my hands on the back of it, for purposes of selfsupport. had been speaking only a few minutes, when the I

"crowd" manifested no small degree of restlessness, turning their eyes in another direction. Looking in the same direction myself, I saw two women emerging from a house not far away, with a

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drunken man struggling between them. This was too much for my audience, and they left me on the run. They were soon around the pugilistic trio; looked on while the women threw the man into the gutter, and brought him into proper state of mind; and, when it was all over, took up their stand again in front of our chair, and listened attentively till the meeting was over. We had held, our first meeting on the street.

For the Knowing Ones.

It occurred while I was on a business trip to an eastern city. I had always gone to the conference house to stay, in order to par-

take of the spirit of the missionary; and this time was no exception. The house was one of those "convenient" places which, in the city, are called "flats." It was dark when I reached it, after

my day's work. I rang the bell, but there was no response. I rang again, with the same result. Several times I repeated this, but with no answer. It could not be, I thought, that no one is at home. Yet such must be the case. Getting tired of this fruitless ringing, I determined to ring the upper floor. "Who's there?" came from a window above me. "I want the "Mormon" elders on the second floor," I answered. "Then ring for them! They're home all right." So I betook me again to the bell, with the assurance that someone was certainly in the room. But no response. I rang the bell for the first floor.

"Who's there?" "I want the "Mormon" elders on the next floor," I said. "Well, ring for them, and don't be disturbing others with your ringing." "But I have rung several times." "Then ring again; they're home, I know, because they're making a deuce of a racket up there." And so I rang once more, but unsuccessfully. I called the

first floor again, and induced the person to let me in, so that I could go up there. went up, and opened the door. I

— They were in, sure enough two of them, at least. Every-.

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thing was in disorder. The men had their coats off; one was looking under the bed, the other was standing on a chair trying to look on top of a large book-case. Hearing the door open, they looked up at me in the greatest consternation. "What's the matter?" I inquired. "There's a bell here somewhere that keeps ringing all the time," one replied, "and we're trying to find it." Of course, I revealed the mystery at once. They had been there only that day, and had never been disturbed before in this unnatural manner.

Hard to Understand. A missionary in Germany writes that it is not always best to begin speaking publicly the new language, too soon after arrival. He cites an instance of an elder who, having been only a short time in the field, undertook to pray in a gathering of Saints. He did the best he could in the foreign language, but how he succeeded is best understood from the remarks of a good sister who came to him after meeting and seriously said: "Dear Brother, next time do you pray in English; the good Lord will better understand." Not in the Bible. It is a common notion "in the world" that "Mormonism" and polygamy are synonymous terms. Very often, therefore, witicisms directed against the elders receive their point from this source, which the following will illustrate: An energetic young elder, who is still alive and will probably read this, was, years ago, doing missionary work in Ireland. On this particular occasion, he was preaching to a good-sized audience on the first principles of the gospel. As is the general custom of the elders in the missionfield, he was endeavoring to show his audience that no two of the contending sects of Christendom can be the true Church, and he had quoted several verses from the Bible in support of this statement. One passage the last to be given on the topic — was especially pointed; so he repeated it with an energy

and emphasis that anyone who has heard him give this favorite verse

— "And one wife,bewas can easily understand. baptism" It from Paul: "One Lord, one jabus," blurted out one of the faith, one listeners.