Wit and Humor in the Mission Field

WIT AND HUMOR IN THE MISSIONFIELD.

Introductory.

No one can mingle with the Latter-day Saints in their social gatherings and not be struck with the variety and raciness of the anecdotes which the elders have to relate of their missionary days. These may not always be told with the art and grace of the trained story-teller, but there is always a point and an originality that can hardly be lost on any person not totally lacking in the pleasant faculty of humor. And this is not at all surprising when we consider that so many thousands of our men have been on missions, that they mingle with all sorts of peo-

ple, in various situations of life, and that, with a tolerable share of American love of fun, they have abundant opportunity for observing ludicrous phases which would be possible under no other conditions. Hence, these missionaries come home, from a two or three years' mission, laden not only with a wealth of experience that broadens their lives, but also with a fund of anecdotes that serves to cast sunshine wherever they go. These facts it was that suggested this new department of the Improvement Era. It occurred to the compiler that an attempt to rescue such of these witty and humorous narratives as he might be able, from the narrow circles into which they brought their smiles, not to speak of the oblivion which would otherwise overtake them, would be at once a service to our home literature, and a source of amusement to the readers. It is perhaps needless to add that not all the jokes will be on "the other fellow." A good many of them will be on the missionary himself. But they will be none the less witty or humorous on that account. Where so many young men go on missions, some of whom are altogether without the necessary training, it is not unreasonable to suppose that they make mistakes. It is partly these errors, where they are witty or humorous and not otherwise objectionable, partly the humorous situations revealed in missionary life, that will constitute the subject-matter of the brief anecdotes published under the title,"Wit and Humor in the Missionfield."

In view of the difficulty of collecting this material, a pressing invitation is extended to all who have been, or who are now on missions,

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whether in a foreign country or the United States, to contribute anything that would be suitable for these- pages. And it might be added to those who are not accustomed to write for publication, but who nevertheless have something to say, Don't neglect to send in your contribution for this reason; but write your story in your own way, send it in, and the writer will do the rest. This department of our magazine can be made very entertaining if the elders who have done or are doing missionary work will did in collecting such material as may be needed. No names, as a general rule, will be published in connection with anything given in this place, but the correspondent's name must accompany each co mmunication.

Timidity or Mind-wandering?

Those who have themselves been youthful, timid, and inexperienced missionaries will be able to sympathize with the elder of whom this story is told: Two elders were laboring in Scotland, one of whom was so new to outdoor preaching that he had successively prevailed on his companion not to ask him to participate in any of the services. This had been carried to a point where it was clear that a start would have to be made some time. So one evening, the elder of the two, having as usual opened the meeting with prayer and also preached the sermpn, called on his companion to dismiss. With a nervousness that almost overcame him, but with sublime courage, nevertheless, the young man stepped up to the large and expectant crowd and asked the blessing on the food!

A Sign-seeker Satisfied.

Wherever the "Mormon" elder goes proclaiming that there is no reason why miracles should not be performed in the Church today, he asked, "Give us a sign, perform a miracle, and we will is

believe;"and some missionaries have a unique and effective way of answering this ancient and absurd demand, as the following will show: An elder, in the early rise of the Church, was asked for a sign by one of those bold and knowing individuals who speak for the crowd. "What kind of sign would be the most convincing?" asked the missionary in a quiet and self-possessed tone.

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"Oh, any physical demonstration. I'm told that old man Thompson, when he lived here, years ago, before we was born, had an arm put on that a machine had pulled off. Something like that would suit us." And the speaker took in the crowd with an incredulous grin. "Will some one get me a large knife?" A knife was brought. "Now," said he, addressing the spokesman, "strip your arm to the shoulder, and I'll perform a miracle for you." •

''What'll you do?" "Cut your arm off before this crowd, and put it back again." "No, you won't," was the reply. And the wonder-seeker slipped :away in the crowd.

They Understood Anyway.

Several elders in the Pacific Islands were enjoying the luxury of an out- door bath. Most of them were new-comers, and had therefore, just begun the use of native language with its similarities of sound and wide differences of meaning. It chanced that while they were in the midst of their plunge, three dusky maidens came along and, sitting down on the beach, began combing their hair, meanwhile viewing the spectacle of the bathing missionaries. "Haere mai! haere mail" shouted one of the new elders,

gesticulating wildly. The girls answered with a peal of laughter, and shortly afterwards began to leave. You'd better say, haere atu instead of haere mai. The young man had been calling out "Come here!" for "Go away!"

A Matter of Evidence.

A Methodist preacher and a "Mormon" elder were debating before a large audience in England, in the early days of the Church. The elder had closed with a testimony to the divine mission of the modern Prophet and the truth of "Mor monism." He knew, he said, that "Mormonism" was true, as well as he knew that he was ad-

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dressing that congregation; and he could not know anything more positively and certainly. The minister arose and began to put objections. "I should like to ask the elder a few questions," he began, "How does he know all this so surely? Does he know it by the evidence of sight?" The elder said he did not. "Do you know it by the evidence of hearing?" "No." "By the sense of touch?" "No." "By that of taste?" "No." "Then you know it only by the evidence of feeling?" "Yes, sir."

"Here is a man," said the preacher, turning to the audience, "who comes to us with the statement that he knows as well as he knows anything, that 'Mormonism' is the only true church; yet when we come to inquire, his assurance is based on the testimony of only one of the five senses —that of feeling." And he went on elaborating on the "absurdity" of such a claim. The elder knew that he must answer this in some manner, and the simpler the method, the better. So he slipped a bent pin on the minister's vacant chair, and listened attentively to the rest of the argument. At the conclusion of his speech, the preacher sat down, but rose with more speed than grace, demanding of the "Mormon" elder why he had resorted to such a childish trick. "Why, what's the matter?" asked the elder innocently. "What's the matter!" shouted the priest; "you know very well what the matter is. What did you put that pin on my chair for?" "How do you know that I put a pin there? Did you see me do it? Did you hear it? taste it? smell it?"

"No; but I felt it!" was the retort. The elder turned to the audience and said "Here is a man :

who would have ua believe that he knows that I put a pin on his chair, when he has only the evidence of a single one of the five senses! And he dilated upon the "inadequacy" of the evidence.