A Mother’s Day Talk

A MOTHER'S DAY TALK* By Prof. P. A. Christensen, Brigham Young College It is customary on Mother's Day to express sentiments which glorify mother. Mothers are the honored guests on these occasions, and motherhood, with all its tender associations, is the theme we love to contemplate. I sometimes sympathize with the mothers. It must be embarrassing for them to hear themselves talked about in words of unstinted praise. The position of the speaker is equally difficult. Instead of talking to all of his hearers, he finds himself talking to part of them about the rest of them. The difficulty is a natural one, and it arises, of course, from the fact that we are not all mothers. Today let me attempt to evade the difficulty by regarding all of us as children. I can make no mistake in that. Whatever else we may be, each of us is someone's boy or girl. I am not going to emphasize what has frequently been said about the debt we owe our mothers for bringing us into the world and caring for us during our years of helplessness. I doubt that mothers themselves ever feel that their children are indebted to them for these things. I should not like to give the impression that I do not feel as much as a man can the seriousness of child-birth, nor should I like to say anything which would lessen the reverence which each of us should feel- for the mother who courageously met this fundamental experience in life. I should, however, like to shift the view-point and have us regard the birth of children and the caring for them as the crowning joy of womanhood. In this age when there is a tendency for young people, men and women alike, to evade the issues of normal life, I believe we need to cultivate toward motherhood the attitude of the women of the Old Testament. You remember how the Hebrew women believed that the inability to bring children into the world was a punishment from God. Although they were probably wrong in this explanation of their misfortune, they were undoubtedly right in the feeling that they had been deprived of God's greatest blessing to women. Instead, then, of emphasizing the pain and the self-sacrifice that characterize motherhood, we should do better I believe to con- template the inexpressible happiness that women experience in becoming the mothers of boys and girls. The woman who has felt the glow of infinite joy in the touch of baby fingers, who has known the un- ceasing delight of watching the unfolding minds of her little ones, and who has experienced the exhilarating strength that comes with provid- ing under adverse circumstances for the physical needs of her children. — that woman I am sure does not care to hear of the debt her children owe her for these things. The genuine mother knows that in her *Given at a Mother's Day meeting, Logan Sixth Ward, Utah-

A MOTHER'S DAY TALK 593 children, in her activity in rearing them, and in the accompanying de- velopment of her heart and mind, she is amply rewarded for all that her motherhood has cost her. Would it not be better to abandon the terms debt and reward altogether, when we think of motherhood, and think rather in terms of divine privilege and divine blessings? I once read a book entitled The Fear of Living. It is an indict- ment of the men and women who evade parenthood because of the privations, self-sacrifice, sorrow and death, incident to the rearing of a family. Now, any honest thinker will admit that the way of parental life is beset with difficulties, dangers, and distress. The way is not attractive to timid souls. It requires something of the spirit of adven- ture. It is a challenge to men and women of courage. But the intel- ligent observer does not permit himself to be blinded by the unpleasant possibilities of life, to the infinite joys that parenthood offers to those who have the manhood and womanhood to attempt it. Women who fear life and dare not meet its crises may follow an easier way. They may waste themselves in the pleasant pastimes of social life, with its tinsel and illusive bubbles; but they will never measure up in womanly dignity to the stature of the women who dare to live as God meant women to live. They will never experience the exquisite joy that exalts the mother of children. Motherhood, therefore, like every other virtue, is its own reward; like every other virtue it can be realized only by strength of character. Today we can, perhaps, honor our mothers in no better way than by expressing to them our admiration for their womanly courage, and by resolving that we shall meet with equal fearlessness the great issues of life. What I have said must not be construed to mean that we are not under great obligation to our mothers. When we reached an age which permitted us to sense responsibility and to distinguish between good and evil conduct, we began to be obligated in many ways. Let us consider briefly some of those obligations. It seems to me that one of our first obligations to our mothers is to cultivate an abiding love for them. This may sound absurd to some of you. You may say, "Every one loves his mother." Frankly, I don't believe it, and my disbelief is based, I" think, upon pretty sound thinking. The measure of one's love for one's mother is one's conduct toward her. There is no other test that is adequate. In moments of softening, we may embrace mother and tell her we love her. Although it will bring a momentary joy to her heart to hear us say it, she will not be deceived by what we say. We shall never convince her that our love is real until, in every attitude and action, we contribute some- thing that makes lighter her daily tasks and that gives relaxation and pleasure to her mind and body. Arnold Bennet, a keen and accurate observer, has something to say that is pertinent here. He says:

594 IMPROVEMENT ERA "One hears that the son hoodwinks his mother. Not he! If he is cruel, neglectful, overbearing, she is perfectly aware of it. He does not deceive her, and she does not deceive herself. I have often thought: If a son could look into a mother's heart, what an eye-opener he would have! 'What!' he would cry. 'This cold, impartial judgment, this keen vision for my faults, this implacable memory of little slights, and injustices, and callousnesses committed long ago, in the breast of my mother!' Yes, my friend, in the breast of your mother. The only difference between your mother and another person is that she takes you as you are, and loves you for what you are. She isn't blind; do not imagine it." Let us then cultivate a genuine love for mother, not a superficial, intermittent feeling that expresses itself only in an occasional word of affection, but rather a love that burns with a steady glow, a love that urges us to every day acts of courtesy and kindness. For, if we would have our mothers respect us as well as love us, we must make ourselves eminently respectable in our habits of conduct toward them. This thought suggests another obligation we owe to our mothers. It is necessarily closely related to the other. We should become, ladies and gentlemen — I mean, boys and girls — men and women of real gentility. Most of us, outside of the home, seem very eager to be regarded as gentlemen and ladies, people of cultivated and pleasing manners. I believe I am not putting it too strongly in saying that the boys and girls who pass as well-bred among their associates away from home, but who treat their mothers with disrespect and insolence in the home, are hypocrites and barbarians. They certainly are not sincere, and they certainly place themselves below the plane on which modern ladies and gentlemen move. Sooner or later people will see beneath the veneer that covers their actual vulgarity. We have in literature a famous exposition of what constitutes a gentleman. The author says in introducing his explanation that "it is almost a definition of a gentleman to say that he is one who never inflicts pain." One who never inflicts pain. Let us apply this test to ourselves in relation to our mothers. To our mothers we owe most in loving service, for it is they who love and serve us most. If we inflict pain where we ought to bless with a genuine reverence, what shame we should feel! Let us, then, be ladies and gentlemen at home. If we fail there, we shall fail everywhere. Another thing we oWe to our mothers is a helpful attitude toward the home. In addressing a graduating class of college girls, George Herbert Palmer once said something which carries a message for every boy and girl, every young man and young woman. Let us read from his address: "Undoubtedly all of you on leaving here will go into some home, either the home of your parents or — less fortunate — some stranger's home. And when you come there, I think I can fortell one thing: it will be a tolerably imperfect place in which you find yourself. You will notice a great many points in which it is improvable; that is to say, a great many respects in which you might properly wish it otherwise. It will seem to you, I dare say, a little -plain, a little commonplace, compared with your beautiful college

A MOTHER'S DAY TALK 595 and the college life here. I doubt whether you will find all the members of your family — dear though they may be — so wise, so gentle- mannered, so able to contribute to your intellectual life as are your companions here. Will you feel then, 'Ah! home is a dull place; I wish I were back in college again! I think I was made for college life. Possibly enough I was made for a wealthy life, I am sure I was made for a comfortable life. But I do not find these things here. I will sit and wish I had them. Of course, I ought not to enjoy a home that is short of perfection; and I recognize that this is a good way from complete.' Is this to be your attitude? Or are you going to say, 'How interesting this home! What a brave struggle the dear people are making with the resources at their command! What kindness is shown by my tired mother; how swift she is in finding out the many small wants of the household! How diligent my father! Should I, if I had had only their narrow opportunities, be so intelligent, so kind, so self-sacrificing as they? What can I do to show them my gratitude? What can I contribute toward the furtherance, the enlargement, the perfecting, of this home?' That is the wise course. Enter this home not merely as a matter of loving duty, but find in it also your own strong interests, and learn; to say, 'This home is not a perfect home, happily not a perfect home. I have something here to do. It is far more interesting than if it were already complete'." Finally, I should say that we owe it to our mothers to be good men and women. Sometimes in moments of foolish independence, boys and girls say that it does not concern others what they do with their lives. This sort of thing hardly needs comment. No one lives his life alone. Our mother's love certainly binds each of us to her in such a way that we can not escape. Our lives, moreover, touch the lives of many more for weal or woe. Our conduct gives its impress to the conduct of all with whom we mingle. By our deeds of righteousness others are inspired to better efforts. By our acts of sin, others may be led to sorrow and debasement. The supremest joy that a mother can experience is the joy of seeing her boys and girls grow into men and women of rectitude. The deepest sorrow she can know is to see them fall into the by-paths of sin. Tennyson says, "There is nothing upon earth more miserable than she who has a son and sees him err." If we love our mothers, let us this day dedicate our lives to the realization of our mother's fondest hopes for us. Let us pray God that we shall be worthy of her infinite love and trust. Logan, Utah • Bits of Philosophy When in doubt as to what to say, don't say it. You never really like anybody unless you like everybody. The bigger the job the smaller you have to feel to fill it. The things you can count don't really count for much, after all. The man who can tell you how good he is usually has little goodness to tell about. The moment we stop to worship the god in the looking-glass, we cease to worship the God of heaven. A great many people fail to find joy in life, simply because they are so busy trying to invent new fantastic joys, that they have not time to enjoy the old enduring joys. Nephi Jensen