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To Thine Own Self Be True

Improvement Era, vol. 23, no. 8, June 1920, pp. 727 to 730

Sjodahl, J. M.

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE 727

mines, and fertile farms. But we are, or should be, most proud — of clean, independent, intelligent citizenship Gradually she forgot the bright lights and that vast throng of people. She was conscious only of her subject. As she closed, the building rang with applause causing her heart to pound with delight. Success? How eagerly she waited. It was diffi- cult to breathe, every soul was quiet as slowly the chairman opened the first envelope and read: "Miss Taylor." He opened the second and read: "Miss Taylor." The third was then opened quickly: "Verlene Taylor," he promptly announced. Verlene's head fairly swam. She didn't even note what else transpired. At home, Mrs. Stein took the happy girl into her arms and said in that convincing way with which Mrs. Stein always said things: "Now, dear, that you've done so well in your chosen line, you won't think of leaving us. Will you? There are so many chances for you here. Even Dr. Willson mentioned something about a good offer he had for you." "Oh, joy! wonder what it can be," cried Verlene. She danced out of the room in a whirl of delight and walked around to the back garden. There to wait for the light mid- night luncheon to be served in her honor. She found a seat on a huge flat rock, which lay by a clear pool of water. She could hear the bubbling fountain at the rear end of the garden, as it burst forth and trickled down to the pool. Mellow, soft rays of the summer moon filtered through the branches of huge eucalyptus trees, making slow, creepy, shadows beneath -them; while long rows of flowers looked gorgeous as if it were mid-day. "Beautiful," murmured Verlene. Catching a dark reflection in the clear, moonlit pool, she turned quickly to see Byron behind her. "Yes, 'tis beautiful, Verlene; but not half so beautiful as you." The girl suddenly arose and faced him. They were the best of friends, but something in her manner made him hesitate just a moment. Then he added reflectively: "I just want to join with mother in the sincere wish that you don't think of leaving us now!" — "I hope not," seriously she answered Then: "0, of course, I won't. — — Byron, I'm so happy tonight. Isn't wasn't it per- fectly wonderful that I— ?" "No, no, you earned it," he replied as he stepped up closer to her. "Now dat'll do fir you alls," exclaimed Lindy, "Come right

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out o' dis moonlight. I been waitin' ten minutes fir de bof o' yous." "Good, I can smell those wafers already," cried Verlene as she led in a race to the house. The next few days were vexing ones. Letters from rela- tives and friends came in a stream, all expressing joy at the nearness of her homecoming. Worst of all, though, was the short, curt note from Dan, expressing his pleasure in knowing of her successful graduation. However, it showed plainly enough that he had not missed the undertone of her letters during the past four months. Verlene knew that this note made her almost wretched. To put an end to it, she recklessly determined that she wouldn't care, and wrote Dan that it would be a long time before her schooling would be anything like what she intended having it before coming home. She knew she could stay right there as long as she liked. Was this thought a worry, or a temptation? "Hosts of mail, Verlene; let me read it first," teased Kirk as he laid a pile of letters on the study table. She drew a long envelope from the pile, noting that it was from the school board at home. She read aloud:

"Dear Miss Taylor: We have a vacancy in our high school which we believe you can fill. We want a good teacher in oral expression. Wages $75.00 per month. Wire if you will come. "Yours truly, —President School Board, Little Colorado District." "B. H. Jones

"Now, now, dear, don't get fussed," exclaimed Mrs. Stein, seeing her puzzled look. "You won't leave us; there are so many chances here, you know." Verlene's answer was a nervous little laugh as she slowly walked out. She soon found herself by the clear pool, seated on that huge, flat stone in the back garden. But what she be- held was a different scene. For now she was talking to Verlene, as was often her wont. "Could she go? Would she go? She needed work. Here was a chance and that right at home. Home, that pretty little village! Her dear ones were there," she reflected. Then, with a twinge of conscience she admitted that her religious duties would take on new life there— and Dan. Had this chance come one year ago, gladly would she have hailed the opportunity. But now she was vaguely comparing dust, sage brush, and ditches with Mrs. Stein's back garden. Then, what of her career? Yes, things were different. "Telephone, Verlene," Kirk cried shrilly. Sage brush, crystal pool and all vanished as she ran to the house.

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"Hello." "Yes." "O, certainly." "Yes, Dr. Willson, I can come right now." Hurriedly she donned a nifty hat and started for the uni- versity. Two hours later, bounding into Mrs. Stein's Verlene exclaimed "Twelve hundred dollars a year for me! Think of it! Dr. Willson has just offered me a position at the dear, old school. One chance in a life time. I am promised a leave of absence after three years' successful teaching. Just my chance to study at the Leland Powers' School in Boston. 0! isn't that great?" Without waiting for any reply she hastened on: "I've al- ready promised to take it, of course. But the matter will have to be presented to the entire school board, then Dr. Willson will send me the contract." Mrs. Stein's nod and beaming smile made Verlene doubly sure that she was doing the right thing. At last the contract came. Verlene was alone in her room. She read it through carefully, noticing how deliberately she would tie herself up for years. But why not? This was her chosen line. She laid the long envelope containing the docu- ment on the dresser while she deftly let down and brushed the long, shining hair. Then she slipped on the pretty em- broidered kimona which mother had sent for her Christmas. But yet she was restless. Somehow she couldn't think as she would like to. Somehow the kimona she had donned was re- minding her of the dear mother whose busy fingers had taken the many stitches necessitated in its making. There, as if to do away with these restless feelings she resolutely determined to sign and mail the contract first thing in the morning, think- ing she would then feel contentedly settled. "A letter fur yous, miss," announced Lindy, as she came to the door. Miss Stein dun lef it, jest as she was gwine out. Said ithad been misplaced somehow." Verlene noticed the post mark was a week old. Hurriedly she opened and read it. Then looking perplexed, she read aloud, as if to make more sure.

"My dear little Verlene: Yes, you are still my little girl, although I am writing this note because I realize you are a woman now, and your future will be determined by your own decisions. Your mother and I have given you the best we have. That is, an understanding of the gospel of Christ, which teaches you the full meaning of life. "Now, I'm not going to tell you what you shall do; but, my girl, I think you have been in the 'world' long enough. My advice, Verlene, is for you to come home. "Affectionately, "Father."

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Home, home, the word repeated itself in her mind. She gazed absently into the mirror. She stood as one dazed. Her features looked strange and cold. This note touched the sleep' ing cord in her soul. She looked around for help. Her first thought was to run to Mrs. Stein, but no, everybody was out. Even Lindy could be heard just now locking the kitchen door as she slipped out to meet Ike. "Yes, Verlene, you're alone," the girl whispered hoarsely. Then she began rapidly pacing back and forth. Her father's letter was ringing in her ears. Forget it, she could not. "And how can I forget my hopes, my ambition, my career?" she asked herself over and over. For an hour she thus walked and argued. Her face wore a dull, grey color. The thin lips were pressed tightly together. While the clear, gray eyes looked with a stare, and far away. Then, at last, a light, yes, a real light flashed from those clear staring eyes. "Alone?" she asked aloud. "Alone, when God is always near to help?" The girl sank in a sobbing heap by her bed. Her real self had conquered. "Father," she murmured in broken accent, help me to live true to myself." When the Steins came home, they found Verlene fairly radi- ant, as she calmly announced her intention to leave for the Lit- tle Colorado the following day. It was useless for Mrs. Stein to offer her objections accompanied by carresses and pet names. She had lost her influence. The "Mormon" girl, with real de- cision and purpose, told her that to stay by the contract she had intended to sign would thwart the prime purpose of her being. "No," said Verlene. "I can't stay. To be true to my re- ligion, my inner self, I should improve my talents, of course. But most of all I must prepare for woman's greatest destiny, to have a home and family. A home were true love presides. You see, Mrs. Stein, I must go." It was Saturday afternoon. Slowly the Limited was puffing and pulling out of the Los Angeles depot. From one of the mov- ing coaches Verlene was waving goodby to friends who slowly faded from view as the station was left behind. As she sank into the cushioned seat, a happy smile lingered on her face. The frank, grey eyes sparkled, as she softly murmured: "Home, my loved ones—Dan." Blackfoot, Idaho