How Can We Acquire an Interest in Boy Activities?

IMPROVEMENT ERA. Vol. XIV. NOVEMBER, 1910. No. 1. Hov^ can v^e Acquire an Interest in Boy Activities? BY WILLIAM A. HYDE, PRESIDENT OF THE POCATELLO STAKE OF ZION. "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things," spoke the Apostle Paul, as he compared his former state of spiritual childhood with his advanced growth in the knowledge of the gospel. We men, who have matured in thought and judgment, in reality have put away our childish natures, and live a life as distinct, almost, from that of our infancy and boy- hood, as the life of one class of animal creation differs from another. Every species of creation is in its own atmosphere of desires and influences, that surrounds it as the waters surround the fish or the air surrounds the birds. To arbitrarily remove one from its normal atmosphere is to disturb its state of peace, and impose upon it the unnatural. Now, while the difference in atmosphere between the boy and the man is not so great as between different species, it is, nevertheless, pronounced. It consists of the difference in the activities of the man and the boy. These activities merge into

2 IMPROVEMENT ERA. each other, and there is some common ground upon which both stand, but ordinarily they occupy a dilTerent mental sphere. The man, by reason of his knowledge of the past and his recollection of boyish experiences and ideas, may step out of his sphere and get down to the boy. The boy, for the very good reason that the ground between him and the mm has never been traversed by him, cannot get into the sphere of the man at once, no matter how much he may try. You may put a young head on old should- ers, but you "cannot put an old head on young shoulders." This being the case, all systems of teaching or education that assume only the standard of the man are faulty. The teacher must know the atmosphere or activities of the boy, and descend from his ele- vation to that of the boy, and act and talk as one boy acts and talks with another, to be fully appreciated. To attempt to forcibly take the b »y from his sphere and place him in the sphere of the man, is folly. The boy may, from his standpoint, view the life and actions of the man and may, to a greater or less extent appreciate them, as he is more or less thoughtful and sober- minded, but much that he sees and hears is incomprehensible to him. He naturally prefers his own sphere of activities, for it is the normal life for him; and it will follow that in teaching, the greater success will come to the man who can by any means enter the boy's domain of action for the purpose of influencing him. How may we do this, is the question. We cannot do it by remaining in our own sphere. Now comes the question. What are the boy's activities? With the normal boy, the physical in his being predominates. His nerve structures are being developed rapidly. He is industrious in his way, be it at work or at play. Whatever he does, he does intensely, if it appeals to him, and he rests and recuperates rapidly. If left to develop naturally, he will be busy from the time he makes mud pies until he crosses the threshold of manhood— in one direction or another. He is seldom still. Next to the physical is his social activity. He must have companions. If he has no boy friends, or brothers or sisters, he will make a companion of a cat or a dog, or even of a wooden doll. The boy is a savage, and he will run with his tribe. He will have his band of robbers to make fancied depredations, or he will have his congregation to whom he will preach. To take him away from

HOW CAN WE ACQUIRE INTEREST IN BOY ACTIVITIES? 3 his companions is worse than to imprison him, for you kill the social side of his life. These physical and social activities mainly constitute the boy's life. While he is learning and getting experience, and gradually developing toward the sphere of a man, these physical and social calls of his nature are the stock of his existence. He will listen to the moral story, perhaps, and perform his religious duty, but all such things to him are adjuncts to the greater fact that he lives, and acts, and loves. If he has sorrow, it is soon effaced and forgotten in the onward flow of his spirits, and his buoyant life rises above his diffi- culties, and if not oppressed by unnatural conditions, he will always be the cheerful, noisy, young human animal. How diff'erent the man's activities! He is engaged in the serious, practical affairs of life. He has put away childish things in very deed. The problem of living confronts htm daily. Con- tinuous labor has taken out of his nature much of the sentiment, and trouble has hardened him anil made him more or less doubtful. Yet the course of our existence has thrown these two beings together — the boy attached to the man, and the man owing a duty to the boy. May their lives be mingled so that there shall be harmony and progress for them? and if so, in what way? Our methods and institutions of education, in and out of the Church, have in the past demanded more from the boy, in the meeting of these two activities, than they have from the man. And the fault with many men is that they demand all the conces- sion from the boy, not meeting him in a desire to understand him and do the right thing by him. Men of advanced thought, on the subject of sociology and education, are endeavoring to provide for the needs of the boy by societies that permit their natural activities, and which organize them into bands being governed by rules, the observance of which brings promotion and preferment. It will probably be found, when tested by time, that the plan will develop a self-reliant and independent man, educated along practical lines, and free from many of the evils which effect the ordinary youth. But it may be discovered, also, that he may be free from that certain class of restraint which can come only from the interested father,

4 IMPROVEMENT ERA. and perhaps lacking in the main essentials of a religious na- ture. I think that the whole question of the eJacation of the boy will be solved when the man has the time and the inclination to get into his life. Let the man be a boy again by remembering, if he can, his boyhood days, and that remembrance will soften and warm his heart. Sach an attitude may tend to relax his control and discipline in one way, but in another he will gain, for he can win the sympathy of the boy and get his willing obedience. One effect will be to make the man more just. He will not condemn the boy for every little fault, for he will see himself in his youthful days, and kno^r that the fault of the boy is but the repetition of his own boyish shortcomings. He cm then remember when sym- pathy and patience would have done him more good than punish- ment, and in this mental attitude, in all his work with the boy, reason will be the ruling power, rather than fear or force. The man's life is one of work, unceasing and engrossing; the boy's life calls for play, enjoyment and social opportunities. Why not "mix if with him; you would both be better for it. By doing this, you will give the boy some of the wisdom and restraint of the man, and the boy will pay you back in relaxation and temporary relief from your worries. The harm that our boys get from immoral ideas communicated to them, always comes from bad men or older companions. You may sometimes see a crowd of boys surrounding a man at some public place; he is entertaining and confidential, and they are list- ening to every word he says. Here is a man to be envied, for he has the power to do good. He is entering into the boy's activi- ties, perhaps, and is one among them today; and, unfortunately for these boys, he may be doing them irreparable injury. You may, largely, take the place of that man with your boy, if you only will. In the atmosphere of the boy's activities we may get his con- fidences, and in no other way. He will tell you of the things that he and the other boys are doing, and you may know his inner life. There is an undercurrent in the stream of every human existence, with which the world is not acquainted; and it is that undercurrent in the life of your boy that you must know about,

HOW CAN WE ACQUIRE INTEREST IN BOY ACTIVITIES^ 5 that you may preserve him and keep him. I remember the thoughtful father who told me of the time when chance gave him the opportunity of sleeping with his son. And, as boys and men will, they lay long into the night talking over things until they warmed up to each other in unmeasured confidence, and the man, with his arm around the boy, told of some of the experiences of his youth, and the boy followed, telling his father of the events of his every day life, of evil-minded boys and girls who were sug- gesting immoral things to him. The father drew a picture of the results of sin, and held the boy's sister up as being just what every other girl would be, and ought to be, if they were preserved from bad boys and men. Some deep secrets of nature were revealed to the wondering boy; he was made acquainted with life, its production and its sacredness; he was told of the possibilities that lay in his future for good; noble men were held up before him as being the ideals he should follow; the pitfalls of the city were explained to him, with the red lights and the painted creatures within, and he was told that his father would follow him cheer- fully to the grave, rather than see him go to such places. And then, as the awful consequences of sin were laid before him, he wept, and lay closer to his father. Their lives had mingled, and both came from the sacred communion better and stronger. I recall another father, one of the busiest men in Utah, who travels much, being away from home most of the time. Once at least, sometimes twice a week, he writes to his boys and girls individually. Not necessarily long letters, but enough to show that he is interested in them, and to call for an answer. It gives him an opportunity to say in black and white, "My dear boy," and sign himself, "Your loving father," and that is more than food or drink to the sensitive, appreciative boy. No wonder that this man's family is held up as one of the most ideal in the Church. Out of his generous spirit, the boy will always give you as much as you give to him. Advise with him and he will advise with you; confer wiLh him and he will return like confidence; but by failing to meet him in the spirit of concession, you may dam up his stream of confidence and sympathy. Boys love commendation. Praise will compel them more quickly than punishment. Try this system with your boy. Start

6 IMPROVEMENT ERA. tomorrow and watch him closely for a month. Note every good thing that he does and commend him for it. Say, "That was as good as I could do it," or, "My boy, that was a fine day's work." If he does things wrongly, don't consider at once that it was inten- tional, but that it was a mistake in judgment on his part, and do nothing further than with reason and good sense to show him how to do better. Do not scold him; remember when you were scolded and how it hurt, and ask yourself if you want some big, superior being to stand over you and scold you. At the end of the month you will see the man growing in that boy, he will be developing self-reliance, self-respect, judgment, and more than anything else, appreciation of you. The noble qualities of the soul flourish best in the warm soil of reason, and in the sunlight of kindness. These narrow, peevish, disagreeable, disobedient boys were brought up in some sour, alkali patch of an ignorant father's management. Treat your boy as the beginning of a man; recog- nize in him that which is really there, the spirit that makes him; consider that in him is some degree of intelligence; that he has inherent rights which he brought with him; that in his former sphere he was capable, perhaps, of as much or more than you were. God gave Joseph Smith a good father, as well as giving the father a good son. Stretch your imagination past its limit and imagine, if you can, one of those spirits doing an injustice to another. Invite your boy's judgment and consideration of things, counsel with him, make him your chum, and he won't need so many questionable chums. With these methods, you may acquire an interest in his life that will give you power and influence with him. How may these theories be applied to the management of the lesser priesthood? In my opinion, the best kind of family government will be the best kind of church government. The best government is that which needs the least attention. The boy or man who can govern himself will give others little trouble. Family and church govern- ment are both based on the recognition of the needs and rights of the governed. The high priest and eldfr may be full of the dignity of their lofty calling, but the Great High Priest said, "Suffer little chil-

HOW CAN WE ACQUIRE INTEREST IN BOY ACTIVITIES? 7 dren and forbid them not to come unto me." Take the deacons into counsel with you. Weigh their ideas with yours, select the best of your conclusions, then direct and assist them in the car- rying out of plans. Remember that the making of the deacon has not eradicated the boy. The boyish impulses are there, improved and sobered somewhat by his sense of responsibility, but still strong in him. If he has shown good work, a little public commendation will gratify and stimulate him. Never condemn him publicly. The criticisms you offer should be on general prin- ciples, and given in the quorum; and correction of the individual should be in private, and never administered unless followed by an expression of love as the motive of correction. There is no greater secret in the art of government than the showing forth of genuine kindness after the necessary correction is administered, that the chastised may know that the correction is for their good, and that your affection has not ceased. Teach correct principles, then, as much as possible, let the lesser priesthood govern themselves, remembering that the young should always be under your watchful eye. My brethren, let us try to get near to the boys. The world is trying to get close to them; good and wise men are everywhere trying to interest and appeal to them; and bad men are laying plans to tempt and enslave them. Let us absorb every good idea that we can; let us utilize the intelligence of men wherever we find it; and then let the love in our hearts and the spirit of the gospel be the pilot to show us the true way. Po( ATELLo, Idaho. Sweet Sylvia. (For the Improvement Era.) Sweet Sylvia, 'twere no surprise I follow you with longing eyes ; As water finds the lower plains, . ^._ ^ My vision falls where beauty reigns. Theodore E Curtis.