In Lighter Mood

IN LIGHTER MOOD. "Explain," said the teacher to the class, "the difference between 'the quick and 'the dead.' ma'am," answered Johnnie, " the quick is them as gets out of the "Please, way of motor-cars, and the dead is them as doesn't." Tit-Bits. A Baltimore woman who had "a perfect treasure of a cook," was horrified recently when Maggie came to her saying: "Please, mum, I'mgivin' ye a wake's notice." "Why, Maggie!" exclaimed the lady of the house, "this is a surprise! Aren't you satisfied here? Do you hope to better yourself?" "Well, no, mum," responded Maggie. "Tis not exactly that. ' The fact is, mum, I'm going to get married." "Biddy," said Pat timidly, "did ye iver think o' marryin'?" "Shure, now," said Biddy, looking demurely at her shoe — "shure, now, the subject has niver entered me mind at all, at all." "It's sorry Oi am," said Pat, and he turned away. "Wan minute, Pat," said Biddy softly. "Ye've set me thinkin'." Taeoma Ledger. He (watching a number of women saying "good-by" at the wearisome end of a tea) : "Women are usually dilitory in bringing their functions to a close, ar« they not?" She. "Yes. But never in bringing their clothes to a function." With reference to the humors of country "society" reporting, Mr. Melville Stone, of the Associated Press, tells of the account of a wedding published in a Kansas paper. The story, which described the marriage in the usual flowery adjectives, con- cluded with this surprising announcement: "The bridegroom's present to the bride was a handsome diamond brooch, to- gether with many other beautiful things in cut glass." Harper's Weekly. When I see a youth with his pants turned up and his beautiful socks in view, And over one eye perched a little, round hat, with a ribbon of mauve or blue, And the fourteen rings and the seven pins that he got at his dear prep, school, Why, it strikes a chord, and I say: "Oh Lord, was I ever that big a fool?" When I see a youth with his gloves turned down and a cigarette stuck in his face, And a loud check coat and a horse-cloth vest and a half an inch wide shoe lace. And a bunch of hair that hides his ears, and line of senseless drool. Then I paw the sward, as I say: 'Oh Lord, was I ever that big a fool?" ' — The Daily Prineetonian.