In Lighter Mood

LIGHTER MOOD. "See here, you!" cried the cranky diner, who had been making numerous complaints; "no matter what I say to you it doesn't seem to stir you up at all." "No, sah," replied the waiter? "De boss tell me wheneber a gem'man talk laik dat jes' to humor him."—Philadelphia Press. The wife of a wealthy Irish contractor of Kansas City, who was traveling abroad, was ever watchful lest her speech betray her Celtic origin. On one occasion, she was heard to say that while she had visited Vesuvius, it was her regret that she had not seen the "creature." Mark Twain says that in his earlier days he did not enjoy the exceptional prosperity which came later in his career. It is commonly the lot of genius to suffer neglect at first and the experience did not affect his abiding good nature. In a conversation with William Dean Howells on one occasion the subject of literature vicissitudes was broached by the humorist. "My difficulties taught me some thrift," he observed. "But I never knew whether it was wiser to spend my last nickel for a cigar to smoke or for an apple to devour." "I am astounded," observed Mr. Howell, "that a person of so little decision should meet with so much worldly success." Mark Twain nodded gravely. ' 'Indecision about spending money,'' he said ' 'is worthy of cultivation. When couldn't decide what to buy with my last nickel I kept it, and so became rich." Two young gentlemen met a few evenings ago, at the house of an acquaintance, some young ladies, for one of whom both gentlemen entertained tender feelings. In a spirit of frolic one of the young ladies turned out the lights, and our two friends, thinking it a favorable moment to make known the state of their feelings to the fair object of their regard, moved seats at the same instant, and placed themselves, as they supposed, by the lady's side, but she had also moved, and the gentlemen were in reality next each other. As our friends could not whisper without betraying their whereabouts, they both gently took the soft little hand of the charmer, and when, after a while, they ventured to give a tender pressure, each was enraptured to find it returned with an unmistakable squeeze. It may well be imagined that the moments flew rapidly in this silent interchange of mutual affection. But the rest, wondering at the unusual silence of the gentlemen, one of them noiselessly slipped out and suddenly returned with a light. There sat our friends, most lovingly squeezing each other's hands and supreme delight beaming in their eyes. Their consternation and the ecstasy of the ladies may be imagined, but not described. Both gentlemen bolted, and one was afterwards heard to say, that he "thought all the while Miss Black's hand felt rather hard."—Tit-Bits.