In Lighter Mood

IN LIGHTER MOOD. "Mama" said a small girl, "If I get married when I grow up will I have a husband like papa?" "Yes, dear," was the answer. "And if I don't get married shall I be an old maid like Aunt Sarah?" "Why, yes, dear, you probably will," replied her mother. The little girl sighed. "Well, no matter what we do," she said, "it's a pretty hard world for us women, isn't it?" An American, touring in the country with an English friend, stopped to point out to him a sign-post, on which some wag had printed this sign : ' 'This way to Squedunk. Those who cannot read apply at the blacksmith's opposite. ' ' The American roared with laughterj but the Englishman looked puzzled. After they had returned home that night the Englishman came into his host's room roaring with laughter. "Ah," he said, "I see the joke now — suppose the blacksmith were out?" Some boy friends of Darwin once plotted a surprise for the great naturalist. Capturing a centipede, they glued onto it a beetle's head, the wings of a butterfly, and the long legs of a grasshopper. Then putting the creature in a box, they took it to Darwin, and asked him what it could be, explaining that they had caught it in the fields. Darwin looked it over carefully. "Did it hum when you caught it?" he asked. "Oh yes, sir," they answered, nudging one another, "it hummed like every. thing," "Then," said the philosopher, "it is a humbug." — Harper's Weekly. "Say, Pat, can you tell me where the Rockefeller building is?" ' 'An' how did yez know me name were Pat?' ' "Guessed it." "Ye' re good at guessin', sor?" "Fine." "Thin guess where th' Rockefeller building is." — Cleveland Leader. A certain editor was visited in his office by a ferocious-looking military gentleman, who exclaimed, excitedly, as he entered : "That notice of my death in your paper today is a lie, sir. I'll horsewhip you in public, sir, if you don't apologize in your next issue." The next day the editor inserted the following apology : "We extremely regret to announce that the paragraph in our issue of yesterday, which stated that Colonel Brimstone was dead, is without foundation." — Harper's Weekly.