Wit and Humor in the Mission Field

WIT AND HUMOR IN THE MISSIONFIELD. At a Street Meeting. Sometimes the evidence in certain cases is so strong that even the most doubtful must believe. It was so in this instance, related in a late number of the Millennial Star: Elder B—— and his wife were doing missionary work in England. One evening as the elder was addressing a large number of people on the street corner, Sister B stood in the crowd with the other listeners. "The preacher is from Utah," said a strange lady to Sister B "Is he?" she replied. "Yes; and he is a 'Mormon.' " "Indeed?" "He must be a bad man, though I must say that he doesn't look like one." "Don't you think so?" "Look at his pleasant face and fine bearing. He is quite a smart chap—but our girls would do well to beware of him. These 'Mormons,' you know, are only after our girls." "I beg your pardon, but you are mistaken in that." "Do you know the 'Mormon??' " "Yes, many of them." "Do you know this one?" "Indeed, I do. He is my husband." The Reason. A little more than a year ago, an elder who was conversing with a certain lady in Qulnc}^, 111., was told that she had been in

280 IMPROVEMENT ERA. Salt Lake City the summer previous attending the Elks' Convention. Said she: '"On Sunday, I attended services in the Tabernacle, and I could not help noticing how uncouth and ignorant the congregation was." "Very likely," said the elder, "for they were mostly tourists there that day." He had the Truth. A quaint old "Mormon" living in a remote part of Illinois, ■away from any settlement of the Saints, did considerable preaching years ago, on his own responsibility. A short time ago a Campbellite preacher came to him and said: "You had better leave the "Mormons" and come and join with us; we will do you good." "You ask me to leave the 'Mormons,' said Brother Stafford, ■"if I do, what have you to offer me that I am not in possession of already ?" "Well," the minister replied, "I don't know that we have anything." "But I have something which you have not." "What is that?" "The truth," quietly replied Brother Stafford. New to Him. Elder was sent to the store,in a town in Indiana,to obtain some gasoline. On his returning, his companions filled the gasoline stove with coal oil, and endeavored to make a fire. They pronounced it poor gasoline, and sent Elder to exchange it for better. He returned to the store, got his money back, and, entering a drug store, asked for kerosene. He received what he had asked for. This time, it was discovered on his return that he did not know the difference between gasoline and kerosene. Said he: ''They burn sage brush where I live."

TOPICS OF MOMENT. The Fall of Port Arthur. The most dramatic siege of modern times closed New Year's day at 9 o'clock in the evening, when the Japanese commander, General Nogi, received from General Stoessel a note asking that commissioners be appointed to negotiate terms for the surrender of Port Arthur. For days the world had been looking for a collapse on the part of the besieged. According to accounts that had reached the outside world, the last five days in the fort were days of terror and desperation. Not a spot was free from the terrible havoc that the deadly fire of the Japs worked upon the inner fortress. Human endurance had reached its limit, needless sacrifice of human life was everywhere witnessed, and despair of every possibility of resistance came, before the Russian commander would listen to any suggestions of surrender. Thousands of lives might have been saved had the surrender been offered after the inevitable became as clear as day, but General Stoessel hung on with bulldog tenacity and made it cost the Japanese every man that Russian arms could reach. It was not merely a desire to make it cost the Japanese dearly, for the Russians suffered the most dreadful punishment after the Japanese had ceased to suffer the greater loss. Liberal terms of capitulation were granted, and the Japs entered Port Arthur among the greatest heroes the world has ever known in the history of famous sieges. Port Arthur was declared again and again to be impregnable. Its fortifications were all that European skill and engineering could make them; and the Russians felt safe in the presence of any foe. If the ground covering the miles of advancement made