In Lighter Mood

IN LIGHTER MOOD.

During the excitement in Congress after the Maine was blown up in Havana harbor Representative McCleary, of Minnesota, made an ill- advised speech. He said the sending of the Maine to Cuban waters at that time was practically an act of war, and that some such catastrophe might have been expected. The speech was not popular, naturally. Mc- Cleary was criticised everywhere. Speaker Reed, who was in the chair at the time the speech was made, spoke to Representative Tawney, also of Minnesota, about it next day. "Jim," said Reed, "what's the matter with McCleary?" "Nothing that I know of," replied Tawney. "What's he talking this way for?" "I don't know." "Huh!" said Reed, "he reminds me of the Kansas dog that tackled a cyclone. You see, a family from the East moved into Kansas along back a year or two ago, and they didn't know much about cyclones. They had a dog, a fresh, innocent pup, bred in the effete and windless East. One day a cyclone came along. The folks scooted for the cyclone- cellar, but the dog, being an Eastern product, didn't understand. He hailed the advent of the cyclone with joyous barks and started off to tackle it. The result was, Jim, that when that cyclone did business with that dog, which charged down upon it with open jaws, the dog was blown inside out. It was a dickens of a predicament for the dog. After the cyclone passed along and the folks came out of the cellar, they found the dog there, picturesque, but of no further value as a dog. The farmer surveyed the dog ruefully. He was a good dog and he hated to lose him Then the foolishness of the dog struck him, and he said, wrathfully 'There, :

drat ye; that's what comes of keepin' your mouth open in the face of a storm." Saturday Evening Post.

A cleryman in New Jersey hired a man to act in the capacity of coachman and gardener. One day the clergyman bought a bottle of horse liniment, and told the man to apply it to a lame horse according to the directions on the bottle. About an hour afterward he went to the barn, and found Silas industriously dipping a spike into the liniment and

62 IMPROVEMENT ERA.

then rubbing it against the horse's leg. "What are you doing that for?" he asked. The man looked up with a smile of assurance. "Because," said he, "'twas what it said in the directions on the bottle; but it's slow work." "You must have made a mistake," said the minister. "I have not,'' answered the man, in an aggrieved tone. "It says here on the bottle, 'Apply with a large nail- or tooth-brush,' and as I had no tooth-brush, I

thought I'd better use this spike."— Fom^A's Companion.

Patsy: " Mom, won't yer gimme me candy, now?" Mrs. Casey: "Didn' ye anny at oi tell ye oi wouldn' give ye all ifkape didn't still?" Patsy:

"Yes'm, but — Mrs. Casey: " "Well, the longer ye kape still the sooner ye'U get it." Philadelphia Press.

Chauncey M. Depew and Mark Twain went abroad once on the same ship. When they were four days out somebody gave a dinner and invited both. Speechmaking time came. Mark Twain had the first chance. He spoke twenty minutes, and made a great hit. Then it was Mr. Depew's turn. The canny New Yorker arose and said: "Mr. Toastmaster, ladies and gentlemen: I have a confession to make. Before this dinner, Mark Twain and myself made an agreement to trade speeches. He has just delivered my speech, and I thank you for the pleasant manner in which you have received it. I regret to say that I lost the manuscript of his

speech, and cannot remember anything he was to say." Depew sat down. There was much laughter. Next day an English- man who was in the party came across Mark Twain in the smoking room. "Mr. Clemens," he said, "I consider you were much imposed upon last night. I have always heard that Mr. Depew is a clever man, but

really the speech of his you made last night struck me as being the most infernal rot."

Our English cousins use "left off" for our "cast off" as applied to second-hand garments. The following advertisement recently appeared in a London paper: "Mr. and Mrs. Hardy have left off clothing of all kinds. They can be seen any day from 3 to 6 p. m. Lippincott's Maga- zine.