In Lighter Mood

IN LIGHTER MOOD. Vain man tells his wife just how the government should settle the canal question, and has to hire a laborer to map out a" drain through his back yard.

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"I see the Boers won another victory. British forces were surprised again." "That's funny. I should think they'd be used to it by this time." — Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. Once upon a time a cat who prided herself on her wit and wisdom was prowling about the barn in search of food and saw a tail protruding from a hole. "There is the conclusion of a rat," she said. Then she crept stealthily toward it until within striking distance, when she made a jump and reached it with her claws. Alas! it was not the appendage of a rat, but the tail of a snake, who immediately turned and gave her a mortal bite. Moral — It is dangerous to jump at conclusions.

• Ethel — If ten men were to ask you to marry them, what would that be? Amy — What would it be? Ethel — A tender. Amy — And if one should ask you what would that be? Ethel— I don't know. What? Amy — A wonder. — London Fun. "The late editor's wife is something of a humorist." "Indeed?" "Yes. Took a line from his original salutatory and placed it on his tombstone." "What was it?" "'We are here to stay!'"