In Lighter Mood

LIGHTER MOOD.

A teacher at Garden City said to her primary class the other day; "If your father gave your mother $7 today and $8 tomorrow what would she have?" And the small boy over in the corner replied, "She would have a fit." Kansas City Journal. * * *

It was a Connecticut boy who surprised his teacher in reading the

other day by his interpretation of the sentence: "There is a worm; do not tread on him," He read slowly and hesitatingly, with that droning intonation and misplaced emphasis peculiar to the young idea when it is just starting to shoot: "There is a warm doughnut; tread on him." * * *

Farmer: "If I were as lazy as you I'd go and hang myself in my barn." Tramp; "No, you wouldn't." Farmer: "Why wouldn't I?" Tramp: "Ef you was as lazy as me you wouldn't have no barn." * * *

His wife: "And you are to defend that shoplifter?" The lawyer: "My dear, she isn't a shoplifter. She was formerly, but she has saved so much money in the last ten years that she has be- come a kleptomaniac." * * *

The New York Tribune prints an amusing story of the English Ad- miral De Horsey, who, some years ago, was admiral of the North Atlantic Squadron. He had been dining on shore at Port Royal, Jamaica. On returning to his flagship after dinner, his way to the boat led him across the barrack square. A black sentry of one of the West India regiments halted him at the gate with, "Who goes dar?" Great was the admiral's annoyance to discover that he had neglected to get the pass- word before leaving the ship. That's all right," he said, carelessly, hoping to overcome the man's scruples by his indifference; "you know who I am." "Dunno nobody, sah," replied the colored soldier, pompously; "you can t go in dar." "Why, I'm Admiral De Horsey." Well you can't go in. I don't care if you's Admiral De Donkey."