--- title: Improvement Era description: Monthly periodical of the Mormon church, 1897 onward. This library holds the issues of November 1897 to December 1930. authors: - Milton Bennion collections: - periodicals tags: - magazine - improvement-era periodical: Improvement Era volume: 33 number: 11 published: 1930-09 publisher: Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations publisher_place: Salt Lake City language: en type: magazine reference: "Milton Bennion, “A Spiritual Philosophy of Life: The Ethical Purpose,” *Improvement Era* 33, no. 11 (September 1930): 748–750." source: url: https://archive.org/details/improvementera3311unse transcription: Transcribed from the Internet Archive scan of each issue (the item for each issue is named in the issue's own source); unnumbered advertising leaves are omitted, printed page numbers are kept as page markers. identifier: improvementera3311unse start_page: 748 end_page: 750 rights: status: public-domain basis: US publication 1930 or earlier (published 1930-09) source: https://archive.org/details/improvementera3311unse publication_year: 1930 note: The Internet Archive item metadata carries a blanket "© Copyright by Intellectual Reserve, Inc." notice. The library owner judged it inapplicable because this issue was published in 1930, before 1931; a scan-level notice does not restore copyright. --- # A Spiritual Philosophy of Life: The Ethical Purpose A Spiritual Philosophy of Life By MILTON BENNION Dean of the School of Education, University of Utah X The Ethical Purpose of the Family WHILE Jiuman reproduction shares with reproduction in the higher animals some common biological fac- tors, and while man shares with these ani- mals some common parental in- stincts, the differences between man and these animals are of far greater consequence than are the likenesses. The family, which has its beginning in marriage, looks to- ward the spiritual as well as the physical union of man and wo- man. Of these two aspects of marriage the spiritual is by far the more important. Mere physical union apart from love, comrade- ship, and social responsibility is on the level of brutes. It is a fact, unfortunately, that it is possible for men and women to descend even below this level, as is illus- trated in the practice of prostitu- tion, concerning which Dr. Rich- ard C. Cabot says: "If I have conveyed anything of the sacredness of the physical expression of love, it will now be obvious why we shudder at its desecration. The greater the symbol the more horrible is its per- version. * * * Was not Judas' kiss of betrayal the most awful act in history because it was through this sacred symbol of love that his treachery was consum- mated? So it is with that greatest dis- grace in modern civlization, prostitution. It is not chiefly because of the physical miseries that may (or may not) follow in its train. It is because of the holiness of that great physical symbol which it drags in the mire, the misdirection of a world-force that ought to mean the cre- ation or re-creation of all that is best in life."1 What Should Be the Attitude of Youth toward Marriage? What Are Some of the Most Important Con- ditions of Successful Family Life? What Is the Primary Responsibility of the Family, And What, Its Place in the Social Order? it. On the contrary, it should be the object of the most serious and thoughtful considera- tion. That this end may more generally be real- ized by youth, marriage and the functions, re- and the family is very well stated sponsibilities, and joys of family by J. A. Leighton as follows: "The family, of course, is based on the natural instinct of propagation. It becomes the first and it should continue to be the first and deepest school of the good. In it the sex and parental instincts become refined and stabilized. The spirit of love, cooperation, thoughtfulness, con- sideration, and fair play are developed. As Mr. Bosanquet finely says, it is 'a natural union with an ideal purpose'."2 life should have a more prominent place in education; not in the schools alone but also in the church and in the family itself. Systematic instruction in these matters will not only contribute much toward developing in youth a right attitude toward marriage, but such instruction will also help to avoid many of the occasions of disharmony and mental anguish after marriage. Young people should be led to see that comrade- ship is one of the greatest human needs, and that when this is com- bined with mutual affection asso- ciated with sex attraction, it is possible, under enlightened self-di- rection on the part of both com- rades, to make of married life the the family its preeminent place finest, the most enduring, and the among human institutions. It is most satisfactory experience possi- this that young people of sound ble to men and women. While body, mind, and character should love is generally recognized as "the look forward to as a major life greatest thing in the world," it time responsibility, and as one of should be clearly understood that their greatest opportunities to re- such love is not to be confused alize enduring satisfactions while with mere passion, although pas- \A ARRIAGE calls for commun- ity of interest and purpose and for unity of action in the attempt to realize the highest spir- itual goals possible of human at- tainment. Under normal condi- tions one of these goals is the pro- duction, care, and (education of children. It is this that gives to they at the same time render a high form of service to humanity. .Establishment of permanent family relations through marriage has, thus far in human experience, sion may at times be an element of love between husband and wife. Such love, however, normally far transcends passion; otherwise it would not endure. It is primarily I been the only satisfactory method spiritual and rightly has religious sanction. Its sacredness is enhanced by making marriage an impressive religious ceremony. of perpetuating the race and of conserving the highest human val- ues. T is not, however, the purpose of this series to dwell upon the seamy side of life. In the spirit of What, Then, Should Be the what Are Some of the Mogl Attltude of Young People Important Conditions of Sue Toward Marriage? ceggful Family Life? PERTAINLY, not to think lightly of it, or to joke about the very ancient and exceptionally wise admonition, "Be not over- come of evil, but overcome evil with good," we shall try here to emphasize the good. The ideal purpose of marriage ^'What Men Live Houghton Mifflin Co., -'The Individual and the Social Order, By," pp. 195-6. pp. 21, 22, D. Appleton &! Co., New Boston. York. FT is necessary, then, to consider many other factors than sex at- traction, essential as that is. There are also the problems of compati- bility of dispositions, community The Improvement Era for September, 1930 749 of interests, and of ideals, willing- ness on the part of each to give and take, and to do it good-na- turedly; to work together toward common ends irrespective of good or ill fortune. Husband and wife should often take counsel together in regard to their common in- terests, or their separate interests, if they have such, where one comrade can be of assistance to the other. In these counsels perfect frankness is highly desir- able. This frankness can also be had in the family in greater degree than in any other relation. This does not mean uncouthness, mere bluntness, or any degree of irrita- tion or ill will on the part of either husband or wife. It does mean recognition of the fact that counsel cannot be of the greatest value unless it is perfectly frank; also, the further fact that economic wisdom, social grace, and spiritual growth are attainable in highest degree only by willingness to con- sider and to profit by absolute frank counsel. On the contrary, to be offended by such counsel is a mark of pettiness of mind, a great obstacle in the way of pro- gress. (CRITICISM should, to be sure, ^ be constructive, not mere de- nunciation of foolish plans, wrong procedures, or objectionable habits, although there are occasions when such errors on the part of adults may be laughed out of court. In any case they should be ruled out by peaceful means. The matri- monial order should be looked up- on in one light, as a Mutual Improvement Association for both man and woman. While this will involve correction of errors and faults for which the one corrected should be duly thankful, its most usual and effective method will be through recognition and apprecia- tion of the good qualities of each by the other. The finest qualities of human character are often thus developed. But so also are fine qualities developed through sharing the deepest but not irreparable sor- rows of life. While the advent of a child is normally a strong bond of family union, so also is the loss of a child. The richness and meaningfulness of human life requires sharing experiences of both joys and sorrows. It does not follow that one should seek sor- rows. Life provides them in spite of all man can do. It does mean, however, that sorrows play an im- portant part in the development of character, that this end is best realized through sympathetic shar- ing of sorrows, and that the family organization is best of all adapted to this end. TT is said that "it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." So also it is better to have had the joy of parenthood even though the child is lost in death. Such a loss is a minor itragedy in comparison with loss of a member of the fam- ily through moral degeneracy. It is these moral losses that tend to shatter even the possibility of the highest joy, and that in some forms are the most certain means of disrupting the family organiza- tion. Fortunately it is within hu- man power, in large measure, to forestall moral evils, to overcome them with good. The presence of children in the family is one of the greatest helps to parents in developing a keener sense of responsibility and in otherwise guarding them against moral evils. On this point the writer has said elsewhere: "The child disciplines the parent, not because of duty or obligation, but because the nature of the relationship brings it about. The parent cannot exercise his functions in moral teaching and training without subjecting himself to the same rigid self-control which he seeks to de- velop in the child. Children quickly detect insincerity or inconsistency, either one of which is fatal to parental influence. The parents may temporarily compel obedience, but this is not moral education unless it leads to cheerful, willing con- formity to a right type of life which the parent is seeking to develop. Thus, if the parent would be successful, he is com- pelled to be in character what he wishes his children to become; and every normal- minded parent devoutly desires that his T JL HE revised edition of "Citizen- ship" (1925 and later printings) contains two chapters on the family and in connection with these studies, a set of Life Ideals for Children and a set of Life Ideals for Youth. These Ideals are revisions of moral codes previously prepared by the author as moral code writer for Utah under the auspices of The Na- tional Institution for Character Education. Discussion of the family and problems of sex relations are also a part of "The Moral Teaching of the New Testament," by Dean Ben- nion. children shall realize the highest type of character."3 HPHE child, however, is not only a defense against moral delin- quency of parents in early and middle life, he is also, in some measure, a security against some of the possible evils of old age, most notably loneliness, and pos- sibly also economic dependence. This is not to say that childless persons may not escape both, nor that parents have a sure guarantee aganist either, but only that the advantage is in general in favor of parents. This is especially true of the social side of the old age problem. Many people spend their last days in satisfactions derived in large measure from associations with their children and their grandchildren. The success of normal family life depends also upon the main- tenance of satisfactory relations be- tween parents and children. Many homes are broken because of failure in this respect. It is very essential that parents understand their chil- dren in all of the various stages of their development; they must see and give due consideration to the child's point of view, and al- ways to act, in relation to him, in such a way as to help him to realize his own highest good. TN so far as labor in industry -*- is concerned most modern states have put legal restraints upon both parents and employers. There are, however, a multitude of other ways by which children may be exploited. These include constant thwarting of the child's plans and interests merely for the convenience of parents who regard the home as being maintained for them rather than for their children. The child, no less than the adult, is an end in himself, and should never be regarded as a means. His personality should at all times be respected. He should have abund- ant opportunities to develop his personality on the basis of his na- tive endowments in so far as these are harmonious with the social good. On this point Dr. T. A. Thorn says: "There is nothing more pathetic than the child who has the misfortune to in- herit parents who refuse to allow him to 3"Citizenship, An Introduction to So- cial Ethics," Revised edition, p. 91. Copy wright 1917 and 1925, World Book Co., Tonkers-on-Hudson, New York. 750 The Improvement Era for September, 1930 grow up; who deny him opportunities for developing a personality from the mental characteristics with which he was originally endowed; who entertain cer- tain pre-conceived ideas as to just what he should do and what he should think and who resent any deviation that nature may bring about in his development. How many parents dominate the thoughts and actions of their children, because they glory in the fact that, 'My child just can't get along without me.' During the pre- school years, they attempt to keep their children in that infantile state where they may feed them, lie down with them at nap time, respond to their midnight calls, and wait upon them to the point where the child is simply vegetating. A little later, they march their children back and forth from school, protect and sympathize with them in their conflicts with the teacher, fight their battles with other children, and receive them with open arms and excess of solicitude when they meet fear and failure in the outside world."4 COME children are thus pursued with unrelenting doggedness by one or both parents until the child, while grown up physically, never can grow up mentally except by open and persistent rebellion; and this, of course, offers no chance for normal development, which re- quires that the child have appro- priate and abundant opportunities to use his own initiative, to bear responsibilities, and to formulate his own ambitions. Dr. Thorn, looking toward providing the child with such opportunities, says: "The earlier the child is given an op- portunity of working, playing, and com- peting with others of his own age, the more likely will he be to formulate habits that will aid in the process of social adjustment."5 HTHERE are other parents who go to the opposite extreme, parents who allow their children, through want of parental com- panionship and guidance, to make irreparable mistakes, the conse- quences of which hamper them for life. "To the child the parent should be companion, friend, and confidant."" This means that the parent should study the disposi- tion of the child, his native abili- ties, and his interests. Special ef- fort should be made to understand his motives and to deal with him in relation to his conduct on this basis. He may have acted wrongly with perfectly good motives, or at least with no bad motives. In such a case to reprimand is wholly 4 "Everyday Problems of the Everyday Child." pp. 32, 33. D. Appleton 8 Co., r,Ibid, p. 44. «Ibid. p. 45. wrong; the child needs kindly but enlightening treatment. In case he has acted upon a selfish motive, knowing that the act was wrong, appeal should be made to his bet- ter, his higher self, with the pur- pose of stimulating him to act on a higher plane, as becoming a so- cial being — a person. If this fails matters should be so arranged that selfish actions do not yield satis- factions. The parents' part in all of these things should be such that it can be defended as con- tributing toward the child's own ultimate best good. If he, as a child, cannot comprehend this, he will comprehend as he grows in maturity of mind. His under- standing of parental attitude will then do more than anything else, other than natural affection, to cement family ties, to establish bonds of permanent union not on- ly between parents and children, but also between the parents them- selves. 'T'HESE considerations naturally raise a question as to inten- tionally childless marriage, now popularly called "companionate marriage." There are, of course, married people who cannot have children. There are others who may have contracted an incurable disease, discovered some hereditary defect that might seriously handi- cap posterity, or who may for other cause have justifiable reason for abstaining from parenthood. These cases are, presumably, rare. They do not include the feeble- minded and the insane, both of whom are without the necessary discretion and self-control to pre- vent multiplying their kind. For them it becomes the duty of the state to intervene with such meas- ures as will safeguard future gen- erations. But, to return, after this paren- thesis, to the subject of "compan- ionate marriage" in the current popular meaning of that term, what, in the light of the foregoing principles, is the status of such a marriage? In E. R. Grover's "Social Problems of the Family" it is discussed under the heading, 'The Arrested Family." After discussing the meaning of the term "companionate marriage," Dr. Grover says: "In short, the com- panionate is a wilful attempt to keep marriage on a level of pleasure and expediency by cutting off its normal passage into parenthood."7 It is, therefore, to be regarded, from the standpoint of ethics, as a lower form of marriage; that is, it is lower in the sense of assuming less responsibility, of avoiding the natural consequences of one's ac- tions, and of being devoid of the highest educational opportunities and the greatest joys that normally belong to the family. It is de- fended on the "slippery ground" that it is not as bad as some other conditions that are widely preva- lent. This may do as a plea for tolerance, but not as an ideal to be made attractive to youth. What, Then, is the Primary Responsibility of the Family, And What, Its Place in Social Order? ~CROM the social standpoint its ■*■ primary responsibility is the perpetuation and the improvement of the race, and that also is its place in the social order. This does not mean that family life is, or ought to be, wholly swallowed up in the responsibility of child bear- ing and child rearing. Family life is the most natural and effective way of expressing the most funda- mental human tendencies and thereby of contributing toward a fuller realization of human pos- sibilities for good. The family is not only the cradle of childhood, it is also the cradle of many human virtues. The greatest among these is love. "Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseem- ly, seeketh not her own, is not easi- ly provoked, thinketh no evil; Re- joiceth not in iniquity, but re- joiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things, Love never faileth:"8 What human quality can be greater than this? What institution is better adapted to its cultivation than is the fam- ily? But the family is also for all of its members a school for person- al discipline in methods of effect- ive cooperation, in the exercise of self control and self direction, in (Continued on page 759) 7Page 96, J. B. Lippincott 8 Co., Phi^delnhia. 8St. Paul to the Corinthians, substi- tuting in King James translation, the proper term, love, for charity.