--- title: Improvement Era description: Monthly periodical of the Mormon church, 1897 onward. This library holds the issues of November 1897 to December 1930. authors: - Warren, Frank Oswald collections: - periodicals tags: - magazine - improvement-era periodical: Improvement Era volume: 20 number: 1 published: 1916-11 publisher: Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations publisher_place: Salt Lake City language: en type: magazine reference: 'Frank Oswald Warren, "The Germ Ubiquitous," *Improvement Era* 20, no. 1 (November 1916): 12.' source: url: https://archive.org/details/improvementera2001unse transcription: Transcribed from the Internet Archive scan of each issue (the item for each issue is named in the issue's own source); unnumbered advertising leaves are omitted, printed page numbers are kept as page markers. identifier: improvementera2001unse start_page: 12 end_page: 12 rights: status: public-domain basis: US publication 1930 or earlier (published 1916-11) source: https://archive.org/details/improvementera2001unse publication_year: 1916 note: The Internet Archive item metadata carries a blanket "© Copyright by Intellectual Reserve, Inc." notice. The library owner judged it inapplicable because this issue was published in 1916, before 1931; a scan-level notice does not restore copyright. --- # The Germ Ubiquitous — — The Germ Ubiquitous By Frank Oswald Warren I'm a nimble little microbe, But I think I know my place; My mission is to "whoop 'er up," To hoist a fallen race. I ain'tgot any hatchet— I'm Not Washington, you see; But I can make it lively for The human family tree. I light upon a lover's lip While courtin' of his Miss; And when they go to osculate, I kill 'em with a kiss. I drop into a bowl of soup, And turn it into ink, Unless it turns into a man Afore IV time to think. I hang around the washee house Where Wun Lung doth preside; And pretty soon he lays that lung The other lung beside. I crawl into the craniums Of them as feels cock-sure; Thenceforth their doubts are numerous, Their dogmatisms fewer. You're curious to know my name Aren't you? "What's in a name?" I guess / am — I'm everywhere I shoulder all the blame: Appendicitis, coddling moth, Mosquitoes, bed-bugs, fleas; I s'pose I'm held responsible For Darwin's theories. The higher criticism cult O'erlook the like o' me; If they can't sea a Jonah whale, What can they hope to see? They overlook; I undertake; I'll give 'em all a chase. Just watch me while I decimate This doomed Adamic race!