--- title: Improvement Era description: Monthly periodical of the Mormon church, 1897 onward. This library holds the issues of November 1897 to December 1930. authors: - Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations collections: - periodicals tags: - magazine - improvement-era periodical: Improvement Era volume: 10 number: 1 published: 1906-11 publisher: Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations publisher_place: Salt Lake City language: en type: magazine reference: 'Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations, "In Lighter Mood," *Improvement Era* 10, no. 1 (November 1906): 70–71.' source: url: https://archive.org/details/improvementera101unse transcription: Transcribed from the Internet Archive scan of each issue (the item for each issue is named in the issue's own source); unnumbered advertising leaves are omitted, printed page numbers are kept as page markers. identifier: improvementera101unse start_page: 70 end_page: 71 rights: status: public-domain basis: US publication 1930 or earlier (published 1906-11) source: https://archive.org/details/improvementera101unse publication_year: 1906 note: The Internet Archive item metadata carries a blanket "© Copyright by Intellectual Reserve, Inc." notice. The library owner judged it inapplicable because this issue was published in 1906, before 1931; a scan-level notice does not restore copyright. --- # In Lighter Mood IN LIGHTER MOOD. The late William M. Evarts used to tell a good story about himself. While- he was in the United States senate, his wife and children were in their mountain home in Vermont. One of the latter was looking out of the window thinking of her father and wishing that she could see him, when a donkey in a contiguous pasture came to the fence, poked his head over the top rail, and brayed most dolefully. The child wiped a few lonesome tears from her eyes and then called to the donkey: "Never mind! Don't be lonesome, for papa will be home Saturday evening." Once upon a time an Arab went to his neighbor, and said, ' 'Lend me your rope." "I can't," said the neighbor. "Why can't you?" ' ' 'Because I want to use the rope myself. "What do you want to do with it?" the borrower persisted. "I want to tie up five cubic feet of water with it," was the reply. "How on earth," the other sneered, "can you tie up water with a rope?" "My friend," said the neighbor, "Allah is great, and he permits us to do strange things with a rope when we don't want to lend it." When Simeon Ford, the witty after-dinner speaker, returned recently from Europe, he was met at the wharf, as usual, by a group of newspaper reporters. When rallied upon his golfing, and especially his mutton-eating, in Scotland, he let the reporters account for it in their own way. What they said was various and funny, and it made readable copy. Not long afterwards, however, when Mr. Ford arrived at his hotel, Joel Benton, one of his guests, told him that the reporters had not really explained his ravenous fondness of mutton. Of course, if there was a new reason for such an appetite Mr. Ford was eager to know it. "Why," said Benton, "the reason is that which was once given by a Dutchman: you ate mutton because it was sheep, and you didn't eat venison because it ' was deer. They are laughing in Washington over a rebuke that a sentry of one of the departments administered recently to the Russian abassador's coachman. The coachman, it appears, wanted to drive his master's carriage along a roadway that for some reason was barred. When the sentry refused to let the carriage pass, the coachman remonstrated. "I drive," he said, "ze Russian minister." ' 'I can't help it," returned the sentry. IN LIGHTER MOOD. 71 "Let me t'rough," persisted the coachman. "My master is le Count Cassini, ze ambassador extraordinary and minister plenipotentiary of ze Czar of all ze ' Russias. "Frenchy, " said the sentry, "I wouldn't let you through even if your master was a free-born American citizen." Illustrative of "that troublesome flenglish haitch" an American traveler relates the following: Once I dined with an English farmer. We had ham — very delicious baked ham. The farmer's son soon finished his portion and passed Mb plate again. "More 'am, father," he said. The farmer frowned. "Don't say 'am, son. Say 'am." ' 'I did say 'am," the lad protested in an injured tone. "You said 'am," cried the father fiercely. " 'Am's wbat it should be. 'Am, not 'am." In the middle of the squabble the farmer's wife turned to me and, with a deprecatory little laugh, explained "They both think they're sayin' 'am, sir." A little girl from an East End slum was invited with others to a charity dinner given at a great house in the West End of London. In the course of the meal the little maiden startled her hostess by propounding the query: "Does your husband drink?" "Why, no," replied the astonished lady of the house. After a moment's pause the miniature querist proceeded with the equally bewildering questions: "How much coal do you burn? What is your husband's salary? Has he any bad habits?" By this time the presiding genius of the table felt called upon to ask her humble guest what made her ask such strange questions. "Well," was the innocent reply, "mother told me to behave like a lady, and when ladies call at our house they always ask mother those questions. A young clerk grown up in the employ of a prosperous German grocer was. by reason of his ability and knowledge of all the details, virtually entrusted with the management of the business, and, although given frequent advances of salary, began to feel that his services were absolutely indispensable, and not properly appreciated from a money point of view. He laid the matter before hi3 employer, placing particular stress on what a difficult matter it would be to operate the business without him. This claim was admitted by the employer, who enquired further. "But, Chon, vat if you should die?" "Oh, then you would have to get along without me," remarked John. Af ter"a few minutes' deep thought the employer looked up at John and said "Veil, Chon, chust gonsider yourself deat."