--- title: Improvement Era description: Monthly periodical of the Mormon church, 1897 onward. This library holds the issues of November 1897 to December 1930. authors: - Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations collections: - periodicals tags: - magazine - improvement-era periodical: Improvement Era volume: 2 number: 8 published: 1899-06 publisher: Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations publisher_place: Salt Lake City language: en type: magazine reference: 'Young Men’s Mutual Improvement Associations, "In Lighter Mood," *Improvement Era* 2, no. 8 (June 1899): 628.' source: url: https://archive.org/details/improvementera28unse transcription: Transcribed from the Internet Archive scan of each issue (the item for each issue is named in the issue's own source); unnumbered advertising leaves are omitted, printed page numbers are kept as page markers. identifier: improvementera28unse start_page: 628 end_page: 628 rights: status: public-domain basis: US publication 1930 or earlier (published 1899-06) source: https://archive.org/details/improvementera28unse publication_year: 1899 note: The Internet Archive item metadata carries a blanket "© Copyright by Intellectual Reserve, Inc." notice. The library owner judged it inapplicable because this issue was published in 1899, before 1931; a scan-level notice does not restore copyright. --- # In Lighter Mood IN LIGHTER MOOD. "Pray, sir," said a judge, angrily, to a blunt old Quaker, from whom no direct answer could be obtained, "do you know what we sit here for?" "Yes, verily I do," said the Quaker; "three of you for four dollars a day, and the fat one in the middle for four thousand dollars a year." * * * A boy of eight years was asked by his teacher where the zenith was. He replied: "The spot in the heavens directly over one's head." To test his knowledge further, the teacher asked: "Can two persons have the same zenith at the same time?" "They can." "How?" "If one stands on the other's head." * * * LUCK. "I'm hungry and ragged and half sick and dead-broke," muttered a tramp yesterday, as he sat down for a sun-bath on the wharf at the foot of Griswold street; "but it's just my luck. Last fall I got into Detroit just two hours too late to sell my vote. Nobody to blame. Found a big wallet on the street in December, and four police came up before I could hide it. Luck again. Got knocked down by a street car, but there was no opening for a suit for damages, because I was drunk. Just the way! Last fall nails were way down. I knew there'd be a rise, but I didn't buy and hold for the advance. Lost ten thousand dollars out and out. Alius that way with me. Glass went up twenty-five per cent, but I hadn't a pain on hand, excepting the pain in my back. Never knew it to fail. Now lumber's gone up, and I don't even own a fencepicket to realize on. Just me again. Fell into the river t'other day, but instead of pulling me out and giving me hot whisky they pulled me out and told me to leave town or I'd get the bounce. That's me again. Now I've got settled down here for a bit of a rest and a snooze, but I'll be routed out in less than fifteen minutes, and I know it. It'll be just my behanged luck!" He settled down, slid his hat over his face, and was just beginning to feel sleepy when a hundred pounds of coal rattled down upon him. "I knew it — I knew it!" shouted the tramp as he sprang up and — rubbed the dust off his head "I said so all the time, and I just wished the darned old hogshead had come down along with the coal and jammed me through the wharf."